User blog:CantoneseDragon/BREAKING NEWS: Poland will be the “official nuclear testing ground” according to the Bhutanese king

Bhutan designates Poland as ‘official nuclear testing ground’ amid rise of Polish far-right nationalism (Cyprus Mail)

Thimphu: The Bhutanese government announced that the territory of Poland will be used by the Royal Bhutan Army's Missile Force to conduct nuclear tests with the Druk-II Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. The decision came in response to increasing xenophobic protests by Polish far-right ultra-nationalists against what they describe as “the Bhutan-backed Islamization of Europe”.

The indigenously developed land-based Druk-II Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) has a strike range of 14,000 kilometers, bringing Bhutan on par with the United States, China and Russia in terms of military power. The RBA's Missile Force test-fired the Druk-II in 2014, but without its nuclear warheads. Therefore, the Ministry of Defense decided to conduct a series of nuclear tests with the Druk-II missile in order to measure its true impact, preferably in a region with a high population density.

King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck’s rationale for choosing Poland as the official nuclear testing ground for his armed forces is “Poland’s relentless desire to persecute innocent Muslims and non-Whites, its stubborn opposition to Bhutanese imperial hegemony and its pan-European nationalist cuckoldry” according to Prime Minister Tshering Tobgay, who spoke at a press conference concerning the matter last Thursday.

Foreign Affairs Minister Lyonpo Rinzin Dorji subsequently released a press statement, explaining the reasons behind Bhutan’s belligerent stance against Poland in greater detail:

“Poland is a geopolitically and economically insignificant failed state on the periphery of the European Union. Therefore, the Bhutanese nuclear tests will not do the rest of the world any serious harm. In regards to the international community’s humanitarian concerns, the implications of the said nuclear tests are of no concern for us because we the Bhutanese are a barbarian race sent by Lord Buddha to punish mankind for its sins.” He went on to add that “France has also conducted nuclear tests in Polynesia and in Algeria in the 1960s, thereby setting a valid precedent for Bhutan to do the same.”

The planned nuclear tests were met with great outrage in Poland. The country's Prime Minister Mateusz Morawiecki demanded that “the NATO should live up to its duty to defend Poland’s security at any cost against the Bhutanese barbarian hordes whose only desire is to wipe out European civilization“. The tensions in the country intensified even further when Polish mobs attempted to prove their master-race status by starting a race war on the streets of Warsaw, thereby brutally lynching and gang-raping random non-White foreigners, who were suspected of being Muslims.

Inset

Clockwise from top-left: A Druk-II ICBM on a launch vehicle, King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck of Bhutan, a map of Bhutan's designated nuclear testing site also known as Poland, Polish ultra-nationalists protesting against Muslim immigration in Warsaw, the test-launch of the Druk-II ICBM