Germanyball

"Wörk, wörk."

Germanyball (German: Deutschlandball or Deutschlandkugel) is a countryball in the Center of Europe, who appears in most comics (as well as Forms of Deutschland). The capital of Germany is Berlin and he together with Franceball are married as parents of the Merkelreich European Union. On occasion, he also goes by the name of Germoneyball.

Unification (1871-1890)
Before 1871 Germanyball was known as Prussiaball, from 1866 onwards, as North German Confederationball. After Franceball's defeat in 1815, the numerous German Stateballs, who had formerly been under the protection of Austriaball and the Holy Roman Empireball were now defenseless. Prussiaball took over as the leader of the German Confederation following Austriaball's 1848 revolutions, and a sense of German unity grew amongst the German stateballs. In 1864 They defeated Denmark in the Schelswig War together, then Prussiaball defeated Austriaball in 1866 to form the North German Confederation. In 1870-71, Prussiaball led a hugely succesful campaign against Franceball for her Alsace-Lorraine clay; this drew in the South German Stateballs, and in 1871, they proclaimed the German Empire in Franceball's Palace of Versailles. Prussiaball Anschlußed the stateballs' clay to form German Empireball, and despite the fact that the other stateballs being able to control their own clay (The German Empire used a confederation-style government), Prussiaball was very much in control.

In 1874 as the German Empireball, Prussiaball started minting German Empire coins, he hosted the 1878 Berlin Conference after the Russo-Turkish War, and German Empireball started trying to play catchup to the other colonial powers of Europe- in 1884 he hosted the Berlin Conference, and the Congo Conference the following year, to divide up African 8ball lands among imperialist European countryballs. He adopted Togoball, Burkina Fasoball, Beninball, Cameroonball, Papua New Guineaball, Namibiaball, Tanzaniaball, Ugandaball, Rwandaball, and Burundiball as colonial subjects.

Weltpolitik and Aggression, then WWI (1890-1918)
In the 1890s, the German Empireball started becoming more and more aggressive. It had started the League of Three Emperors with Austria-Hungaryball and Imperial Russiaball in 1873, but this was disbanded, and in 1882 he formed the Triple Alliance with Austria-Hungaryball and Italyball. However, by the 1890s and 1900s, UKball and Franceball were drawing closer, as was Imperial Russiaball, to form the Triple Entente- in response to Germanyball's policy of Weltpolitik in the 1900s.

In 1904 he committed a genocide against 8-balls rebelling against his son German Southwest Africaball, and in 1900 he had sent troops to Qing Chinaball's clay, and in 1897 to Crete, examples of his imperialist policies. In 1906 he started a naval arms race against his cousin UKball, over the Dreadnought battleship, raising tensions in Europe even further, especially after the 1905 and 1911 Morrocan crisises. In 1914, with tension building among the European powers, Serbiaball killed Austria-Hungaryball's archduke, and the alliance systems dragged all the major powers into a major war.

Germanyball became a military dictatorship, Reichtangle in the war, he raped Belgiumball and Luxembourgball in August 1914, but was pushed back by Franceball at the River Marne, and beaten to the sea by UKball, thwarting his Schiffen Plan as Russiaball mobilised against him, and both sides made glory holes on the Western Bathroom.

He allied with Bulgariaball, and Ottoman Empireball, but was betrayed by Italyball and Romaniaball in 1915. His colonial adoptive sons were captured by UKball and Franceball's adoptive children, his Tsingtao was taken by Japanball, and after he sunk the Lusitania, USAball got angry with him. However, it still took until the Zimmerman Telegram in 1917 to get USAball into the war. At the same time, Russiaball was secretly infected with Communism, and his son Bolshevikball rebelled when his father became a republic, and exited the war after the 1918 Treaty of Brest-Litvosk. By now he was exhausted after four years of war, and as his colonies and allies surrendered to the Allies, Reichtangle launched a last push, which was countered by the Hundred days Offensive in August 1918, and he had a revolution to become a republic in November. Shortly after, he signed an Armistice on the 11th of November 1918, and the Great War came to a close with his defeat. He was mutilated beyond belief, and his son (Weimar) Germanyball was left to take the blame for the War.

Weimar Republic and the Road to War (1918-1939)
In 1919 the new Germanyball was facing demands from the right and left wing parties, with lots of outbreaks of revolution and putsch attempts everywhere. He was presented with the humiliating Treaty of Versailles in 1919 at the Paris Peace Conference, and had to disband his navy and most of his army, demilitarize the Rhinelands, and pay the Allies £ 6,600,000,000 in war reparations. He also lost clay to Franceball, Belgiumball, Polandball, Lithuaniaball, Czechslovakiaball, and Denmarkball, and all his adoptive children were adopted by UKball, Franceball, or Japanball. Alsace-Lorraine was returned to Franceball, who invaded his Saarland and Ruhr in 1923-25 when Germanyball couldn't pay his reparations that year due to hyperinflation and economic troubles. He was banned from international affairs, but was bailed out by the Dawes and Young plans by USAball in 1924 & 1929, then was accepted back into the international community in 1925 after he signed the Locarno Treaties, and then the 1928 Kellog-Briand Disarmament Pact. He joined the League of Nations in 1926, and his economy and culture prospered in the 'Goldenne Zwanziger'.

However when USAball had a stock market crash and went broke in 1929, the world's investors went broke, and Germanyball looked to extremist parties to find a solution. He became Nazi Germanyball in 1933, and in 1935 began openly re-arming, then he invaded the Saar, rearmed the Rhinelands, and hosted the Oympics in 1935-36. He aligned with Italyball and Japanball in 1939, after having Anschlußed Austriaball in 1938, as well as taking the Sudetenland from Czechslovakia in July 1938. He then took advantage of the Munich Agreement, and UKball & Franceball's appeasement policy to annex the rest of Czechslovakiaball's clay, making Slovakiaball into a puppet state. In 1939 after the non-aggresion pact with the communist Sovietball, Germanyball invaded Polandball's clay in September 1939, beginning the Second World War in Europe.

The Second World War, and Separation (1939-1948)
In 1939, Nazi Germanyball and Sovietball partitioned Polandball's clay, then he blitzkrieged through Western Europe, raping Denmarkball, Norwayball, Netherlandsball, Belgiumball (again!), annexing Luxembourgball in 1940, then raping Franceball in May 1940. UKball evacuated the continent at Dunkirk, afterwhich Germanyball fought his RAF with the Luftwaffe, then tried to bomb him into submission. After UKball stood triumphant after the bombardment, Nazi Germanyball turned on Yugoslaviaball and Greeceball, then on Sovietball in June 1941. Operation Barbarossa initially saw his troops roll through the Western SSRballs' clay, and take Smolensk, then advance to within 10 kilometers of Moscow. However the weather drove him back, and Sovietball began pushing him back. He then besieged Leningrad, and tried to hold Stalingrad in the south, where he fought the largest battle in history against Sovietball's troops in December 1942-January 1943. Meanwhile, he also invaded the Free French territories of North Africa, with Vichy Franceball and Italyball's help.

Nazi Germanyball also rounded up Gypsyballs, Jewcubes, and Communists, as well as Jehovah's Witnesses, rebels, political opponents, and homosexuals to exterminate them in death camps from 1942 onwards. But he was defeated at El Alamein and Stalingrad in 1943, and pushed back in North Africa by UKball and USAball, who had joined the war in December 1941. He fought Sovietball's tanks at Kursk, then Kharkov, but was pushed back into Polandball's clay. By mid-1944, he was on the retreat, and after D-Day saw the Allies liberate Franceball's clay, and Italyball switch sides, he was on the verge of defeat. He tried to hide evidence of the Final Solution and the Holocaust, but this was uncovered by Sovietball, who 'liberated' the Eastern European nations. As the Western Allies pushed up the Ardennes after the 1944-45 Battle of the Bulge, and Sovietball pushed into East Preußen, Nazi Germanyball panicked, and by Feburary 1945 Sovietball and the Allies were in Berlin.

He committed suicide in April 1945, and the war ended with V-E day on the 8th-9th of May 1945 in Europe. Afterwards, his clay was divided into four occupied zones, each administered by Franceball, USAball, UKball, and Sovietball. GermanyRawr was formed in 1948, when the Western Allies combined their occupation zones into a piece of clay to gift to Nazi Germany's son West Germany, who joined NATO next year, along with the other Western Allies. In 1949, Sovietball adopted East Germanyball, and tried to blockade West Berlin. The Western Allies responded by airlifting supplies in. The Cold War had begun.

Divided Germany (1948-1990)
In the 1950s, the Cold War saw NATO re-build West Germany and West Berlin, to show it off against the Eastern Bloc communist nations. Sovietball put down a rebellion by East Germanyball in 1953, and built a wall around West Berlin in 1961. In 1957, his brother West Germanyball married Franceball, and had a child with her, EUball after the 1956 Treaty of Rome. In the 1960s, East Germanyball tried to cross the wall many times, but was punished by Sovietball each time he tried. In the later 1960s, West Germanyball would use Ostpolitik to try to improve relationships with his brother and his adoptive father, resulting in the detente in the 1970s, despite the many nuclear missiles placed at the Iron Curtain on the border with East Germanyball's clay.

By the 1980s, however, tensions were high once again, the Able Archer war games in 1983 almost scared Sovietball into launching his own missiles, thinking they were a pre-emptive nuclear missile strike, closely averting a nuclear crisis. In the late 1980s, however, Sovietball's relaxed polcies of glasnost and perestroika led to East Germanyball and his other forcibly-adopted siblings to protest for their self-determination. In 1989, Hungaryball and Czechslovakiaball tore down the Iron Curtain, and the Berlin Wall fell on the 9th of November 1989, and USAball's capitalist brands and ideals poured into the former Eastern Bloc almost overnight. In 1990, the Cold War wrapped up, as the two re-united Germanyballs were reunified in June 1990 to form a unified Germanyball once again.

Today (1990-present)
Ever since his reunification in 1990, Germanyball has been busy apologizing to Israelcube, and giving him apology guilt-monies, as well as continuing to re-pay his WWI war reparations until 2010. He has been running the EU, and prepping his son EUball to become the Fourth/Merkelreich more tolerant of refugees, and lending the PIIGS Euromonies, which he adopted in 1999. He is now happily married to Franceball, and enjoys a stable relationship with most of Europe after he apologized about the Second World War and the Holocaust (even to Polandball). Oh, and he raped Brazilball recently, in 2014.

Personality
Germanyball is a very "stark" and rich country, the breadwinning father-figure of the European Union, and his wealth being the reason for his nickname "Germoney." His most defining characteristic was his workaholism, a serious and efficient man who always abides by the rules and a work ethic only rivaled by East Asian countryballs. He does not tolerate any mistakes he made, is a neat freak, and happens to have a rather pessimistic nature. Unfortunately, being the breadwinner of the European family meant that he had to babysit the more troublesome adopted countryballs such as Italyball, and most especially the cancer that is killing the Euro. And of course to pay for the reparations. Also, these other countries have a lot of excuses to make Germany "gib" money. ("holocaust holocaust")

His cynical personality was justified, though, by the fact that he had a Dark And Troubled Past, a past that he never wants to talk about. When he (as fragmented German countryballs) lived in poverty conditions while Franceball and UKball were bullying them and treating them like shit; whose adoptive Grandfather was an über-strict and overbearing disciplinarian dedicated to Blood and Iron; whose dreams of "Unity, Justice and Freedom" was repeatedly shattered apart and was reflected in the large amounts of pessimistic philosophy present in German culture (e.g. Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, etc.); and went through not just one, but two of the worst mental breakdowns the world has ever seen. He still never had his dream of unity come true as he was halved between West Germanyball and East Germanyball. The traumatic chaos that defined most of Germanyball's life became his defining motivation into the struggle and search for that glimpse of Order and Efficiency. He worked his most, just to get even the tiniest taste of that dream he never had come true. And the German Unity Day, was the perfect opportunity to acquire this distant ambition he had worked for all his life at last. Even if he today is the breadwinner of the European Union with lots of Euromonies, he is simply not just satisfied with that newly acquired Order: he will work his most to maintain it in its peak efficiency no matter what. Anything, just to escape his past.

But to look at Germanyball as nothing but a sour "kraut" in a perpetual depression tortured by such a traumatic past is a huge misconception. If the phrase "Work hard, play hard" could be personified into a countryball, it may very well be Germany. Yes, the numerous Germanyballs were adopted by Prussiaball, but one of those adopted Germanyballs was, of course Bavariaball. You know, the Beer capital of the World. Bavariaball seems to be the opposite of what everything Prussiaball was: Not Blood and Iron for a few Von Somethings, but Beer and Polka for Everybody! Yet the opposites complement each other and formed the German personality as he is today. Bavariaball taught Germanyball that having difficulties in their chaotic life is no reason to commit suicide through work, but that one should, while living in hardship, still find meaning in life and embrace it (hence Germany as the centre of the branch of philosophy known as Existentialism). Germanyball may have been hardened by his experience, yes, but he still possessed feelings, even the ability to feel pleasure and happiness. And the way he enjoyed life after work would astonish and even surprise other countryballs. To celebrate German Unity Day, October 3, when the tyranny of the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain finally ended once and for all,the moment when Germanyball got that Unity, Justice and Freedom he always sought in all his difficult life, he revived the Bavarian tradition of Oktoberfest, a city-wide party that lasts for almost an entire month. Germanyball, after a hard day's work, is also a hard BDSM fan (often with Austriaball or recently Brazilball) and only the weird Hentai of close friend Japanball could rival the level of obscenity that Germanic porn was notorious for. Yes, Butts Germans love work. But they also think that worthwhile work must have worthwhile rewards, and the moment they achieved the very dream that they have always worked all their life, deserves an equivalent return. To have the ratio of reward per effort be as close to 100% as possible: that is Efficiency.

To conclude, Germanyball is not a robotic sour kraut, but in fact a human, as far as the personality of countryballs could be described as human. He has strengths yet he also has flaws. His "humanity" and experience in the past continued to define his own personality. Also a pacifist today, renouncing war and now happily married to his former rival Franceball, but when need be and never at his own volition, he, never having lost his Teutonic mettle, can be a powerful opponent. Brazilball learned this the hard way.

Also to add on, Germany can into Videogames. He has headqurters from Nintendo and plays lots of PlayStation. Probably because of his close bond with Germany during a tough time. Let uns rather not darüber...

Freunde (Friends)

 * Austriaball - Schwester besessen mit Anschluss. Friendzone zu haben für mein Sohn.
 * EUball - Reichtangle 4.0 Mein Proud Son. Inherited Franceball's beautiful sophisticated culture und mein Efficient Super Science, the best of both worlds possessing both of our genius to take over die Welt . Also wants Ukraine as birthday present. I am still teaching him mein superior military tactics- so far he has scored a 100% grade on most Russian Invasion training scenarios. I am proud- is strönk.
 * Franceball - Ehefrau und Mutter von EUkugel. "Friendly rival" would be insufficient to describe our relationship; she and I were what Japanball could describe as Tsundere. Wir had a very, very complicated, yet similar relationship. Also they gib videogames.
 * We used to despise each other to the very core, she and her Entente once bullied us and treated us like Untermenschen, and Großvater Preußenkugel retaliated in turn by forging us in Blood and Iron to create the war machine known as Reichtangle. Our diplomacy soured more und more until the tragic disaster of World War One. Her Versailles Treaty ficked up us so much that ich had no choice but to succumb to complete insanity. As der Third Reichtangle, I, in a frightened and frantic attempt at revenge, destroyed her completely and annihilated her dignity, so that she shall be known for all eternity as the "Surrenderer". Ich only thought, she deserved to be punished for her arrogance, she must die in the most brutal manner imaginable. I made it so that the world should know her as the "Surrenderer" now and for all eternity.
 * Franceball ever since then learned her lesson, that such arrogance caused Mein Psychosis and the loss of everything she possessed, She cried for mercy, she cried that she forgives me, that she would accept her perpetual and humiliating fate from now on as the "Surrenderer," but I was too insane to understand. As the Third Reichtangle, I was too insane, obsessed with destroying her even if it meant the end of the world and Mein own Self-Destruction.
 * Fortunately, USAball and his Magic of Friendship came to our care and saved both of us from our self-destruction. He taught us that instead, we must forgive each other and search for what we had in common, and to put an end to our petty feuds especially there is an even worse Empire in our doorsteps threatening to burn the world in Nuclear Fire. USAball helped us recover through the Marshall Plan and his psychotherapy, and as we worked together under his guidance to Remove Communism, we forgave each other, found lots of things und interests in common. In both of our troubled, fragmented and chaotic pasts that synchronised with each other, and in both our desire and ambition to unify and lead all of Continental Europe as one Family. We mutually understood each other, the path to our eventual attraction, and at last, we signed the establishment of the European Economic Community: a declaration of "Will you marry me?"
 * Nowadays, while we do still quarrel a lot (Japanball: Sugoi tsunderes!) it is on a lesser scale, as
 * we are, at last, one big happy anschlussing family.
 * Hungaryball
 * Mein Sons Cameroonball, Namibiaball, Togoball, Tanzaniaball - Mein Beautifulle sons, Namibiaball ist the most germanic son. You will come back soon no worry
 * Estoniaball - Umm, I might have heard something about him. I'm not sure what.
 * USAball - While he does make inferior cars, he was our therapist who did help Franceball und mich to become best friends. Therefore, he has taken the role of EUball's Patenonkel.
 * Japanball - Loyal follower und Fanboy, or perhaps Fan-catgirl. The Meiji Restoration that converted Japan from a backwater to an industrial powerhouse was partly inspired by the way that Prussiaball anschlussed and governed the growing Reichtangle with precise and mechanical Efficiency. Wir fought as staunch allies together in World War II, and received the same psychotherapy under USAball. Nowadays, her anime contains countless references to Deutschland, and she herself ist like the Asian version of mich: Rich self-disciplined wörkaholics with superior engineering, but at nicht she drinks lots of Bier und makes extreme bondage porn called Hentai. And by extreme, Ich mean it. shudders
 * Turkeyball - Invited him for cheap wörk, now he is a good Freund with delicious healthy cuisine that outshined all our previous fast foods. Döner + Bier x Brazilian tears = Best Oktoberfest Ever!
 * UKball - Freundliche Rivalen und der Brüder von mein Ehefrau. He does not really want to interfere in our family issues with Franceball, hence he stayed out of our eurozone, though wir will always willkommen him in der Europäischen Familie. Wir also love to drink Bier und making fun of Poland.
 * Italyball - He might be too carefree for mein tastes, yet he is still ein ally.In ancient times we were enemies. Japanball made a tribute to German-Italian relationships, called Hetalia, which is basically the retarded version of Polanball lighthearted anime Polandball.
 * Israelcube - Ich hate Meinself. But its ok.
 * Croatiaball - Looks up to Germany, always on his side.
 * Philippinesball- Interested at Ich green tech and beer. Son of EU's Patenonkel so family as well (shrugs).

Neutral

 * Chinaball - Soon Tsingtau vill be of mein again! He is also wörk hard as mich, but his clay is full of scheiße from smog and industry, unlike my green technology. Soon I vill sell mein debtors to him.
 * West Sumatraball: Was? he looks like me is he of germanic?   ANSCHLUSS 

Feinde (Enemies)
ALL THIS NEVER FORGET!
 * Portugalball, Irelandball, Italyball, Greeceball and Spainball: SCHULDEN! SCHULDEN! IHR SCHULDET NOCH WAS! IHR SEID eine Schande für Europa! Ich werde euch auf die Spieße verfüttern! Rennen ist sinnlos aus dem mächtigen Deutschland! GIBRALTAR GEHÖRT ZU DEN BRITEN, DU VERDAMMTER ESEL!!!. (English- DEBT! DEBT! YOUR STILL OWES YOU! YOU ARE a disgrace to Europe! I will feed them on the skewers! Race is meaningless from the mighty Germany! GIBRALTAR IS ONE OF THE BRITISH, YOU DONKEYS!!!)(cracks whip) Remind to self, when the economy collapses, sell this cancerous parasite to Chinaball. [1918], [1944], [1762], [1917]
 * Argentinaball/Brazilball - ARBEITET! ARBEITET FÜR DAS VATERLAND!!! DIE FALKLANDINSELN GEHÖREN ZU DEN BRITEN, VERDAMMTER ESEL!!! BWA-HA! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! (cracks whip). I defeat you are in 2014 World Cup. You're even moar idiots than yuor fathers. So give me your clay. Now. OR. ELSE.
 * Russiaball - When Sovietball got liver cancer we celebrated German Unification, Franceball and I planned to adopt/anschluss the anarchistic fragments of Russiaball for our growing Child. Our plans für Lebensraum were reduced to complete Scheiße when a homophobic Arschloch named Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin rose to power.  ANSCHLUSS! ANSCHLUSS! MERKEL ÜBER ALLES! PUTIN IST SCHEIẞE, VERDAMMTER ESEL!!! ÖSTPREUßEN IST DEUTSCHE CLAY!!! GIFF ÖSTPREUßEN NAU!!! 



Links

 * Hamburg ist jew!
 * 
 * Germoney's secret
 * Murica invented everything
 * Germany Singen der Beatles
 * German Railway
 * Lessons from an empire gone by
 * Facebook page

Note
Deutschlandkugel Germaniopilko Alemaniaball Allemagneballe Germaniaball Teutotitlanpayoli Duitslandbal Germanyball Alemanhaball Германия Germanyball