South Africaball

 South Africaball is a famous and rich countryball in Africa. South Africaball's favorite pastime is digging deep holes in its clay as it is full of valuable minerals like gold, platinum, manganese, chrome, iron, vanadium and diamonds.

Brief History

South Africaball has a long history but didn't write much down until recently although there is a lot of Khoisanball graffiti everywhere. During the iron age, the civilization of Mapungubweball also existed and they traded with the east coast and built huge stone structures, because they were bored.

Portugalball started looking for a shortcut to the far east and "found" the Cape, although it wasn't lost. Dutchball decided to make it a colony, then lost it to Britishball. This annoyed Dutchball, who took their Huguenotball friends with and moved inland to become the Boerballs.

The Boerballs met Zuluball and other 8balls and had a few hectic arguments. Boerballs would close their wagons into a circle, pray and then shoot all the Zuluballs attacking. It seemed to work well. One of Zuluballs sons, Ndebeleball, however, was causing his own havoc, chasing everyone around, eventually Lesothoball hid in the mountains to escape all this nonsence.

The Boerballs found gold and diamonds and Britishball decided they needed to join the empire. Britishball brought Indiaball and Australiaball to help. This war is called the Angloboerball war. Britishball thought it was taking too long so started burning down farms and put Boerballs and 8balls in concentration camps. The Boerballs were finally made to agree that joining the empire was a good idea.

Eventually all the pieces became Union of South Africaball in 1909. Britishball then asked South Africaball to take Namibiaball from Germanyball in WW1. No one said anything about giving it back!

Britishball asked South Africaball to again help in WW2 in saving Egyptball from Germanyball. South Africaball also kicked Italyball's ass free of charge!

South Africaball finally gained full independence from Britishball in 1960. 

South Africaball learnt some silly superiority ideas from Britishball, got it wrong and ruled by Apartheid (Racial segregation). Boerballs started acting like Britishballs and 8balls got treated very badly. This is the main reason that South Africaball suffers from multiple personality disorder today. South Africaball is in therapy for this problem.

South Africaball also used to like crossing its neighbors borders without permission, especially those of Angolaball, apparently to stop communism from spreading. South Africaball also interfered in Lesothoball when it became uppity and asked for more money for the water it dams and is used in Gautengball.

South Africaball was the first country in Africa to build nuclear weapons. Israelcube may or may not have helped. It tested two of them in the desert and then got caught by USAball, who was wondering where the huge earthquakes came from, oops!, After all that fuss South Africaball voluntarily gave them up. It was interfering with the braaing.

Eventually South Africaball decided to treat everyone as equals and the African National Congress (ANC) now governs South Africaball as a democracy. Lesothoball lies in the middle of South Africa, that's why South Africaball looks like an Donut.

Relationships

South Africaball loves to braai (its like barbecue, but way better!) South Africaball belongs to the BRICS, the SADC, (basically all the neighbors, who crash the braai) and the African Union. South Africaball is also part of Commonwealthball.

South Africaball believes its brothers, Lesothoball and Swazilandball are actually part of it. South Africaball had to eventually give back its stepson, Namibiaball after UNball got upset. South Africaball holidays most of the time in Mauritiusball.

South Africaball thinks Botswanaball is a snob as they seem better educated, however it likes to braai with Botswanaball and laugh at the other SADCballs.

South Africaball enjoys Mozambiqueball coming to the braai, but doesn't understand anything it says. It all sounds like gibberish "selling cabbages?".

South Africaball doesn't talk much about its cousin Zimbabweball, who may be clinically mad.

South Africaball loves bakkies (Utes!) and minibuses that are built by Japanball, so allows them to come to the braai.

South Africaball tolerates Australiaball calling it "bloody saffa" and invites it to the braai as it always brings excellent lambchops.

South Africaball has a love/hate relationship with its Step-father, Britishball. Britishball hasn't apologized for the concentration camps from the AngloBoerball war yet or for stealing the Cullinan diamond.

Provinceballs

Western Capeball: lots of sea, wine and a weird flat mountain, everything happens slowly there, must be the tik.

Northern Capeball: strange accents, vast iron and manganese ore mines,as well as the Kalahari desert, basically a shortcut to the estranged step son, Namibiaball.

Eastern Capeball: the wild coast, thousands of shipwrecks, Xhosaballs smoking pipe. Who knows whats in these pipes.

Free Stateball: very flat, the birds fly upside down there. Gold mines and maize.

Kwazulu-natalball: lots of angry Zuluballs and Indianballs making deals.

Gautengball: economic powerhouse of South Africaball, currently fighting a e-tolling war.

Northwestball: platinum mines and deep gold mines, gambling at Sun Cityball.

Limpopoball: wild west of South Africaball. Lots of minerals and strange balls with red berets.

Mpumalangaball: has Kruger National Park and power stations.

Tinkering with stuff

South Africaball has a history of innovation and was the first to do a heart transplant, on a Polandball! South Africaball was the first ball to develop large scale coal to oil technology and no thanks USAball, South Africaball already has democracy. South Africaball also invented the retinal cryoprobe, used to repair detached retinas and remove cataracts as well as superglue between braais. South Africaballs greatest invention however, is biltong!

Sports

One of South Africaballs' hobbies is to play the Vuvuzela and Football (or Soccer for USAball). South Africaball also plays rugby and cricket and loves to hate Australiaball and New Zealandball.

Nature

South Africaball has the third highest biodiversity in the world and no there are no lions in the streets, they are kept in the back yards! South Africaballs' Cape Floral Kingdom has 9,600 plant species, 70% of which are not found anywhere else in the world.

Space

South Africaball is building the Square Kilometer Array, the worlds largest radio telescope, to listen to space with its frenemy, Australiaball. The dishes also make good braai pans!

South Africaballisms:

“Now-Now" and "Just-Now" A concept of time, if South Africaballs coming over for a beer "now-now", it could perhaps be arriving at Botswanaballs in five minutes. But if South Africaball is coming "just-now", Botswanaball could expect to wait 20 minutes or 30 or even 45. Just-now, darn it isn’t it obvious?!

"Babbelaas", You know that feeling after a heavy night out on the town? South Africaball offers a term that is far more descriptive of one's feeling of complete and utter uselessness!

"Eish!" in everyday lingo, ”eish!” is a term that could best be described as an exclamation of light shock.

"Howzit!" Howzit sort of shortens that to “How is it?”

"My Chinaball!" No, not the country. Your best friend is your Chinaball. Don't ask where it came from; just accept it and next time you see your best buddy Botswanaball, say, "Howzit, my Chinaball!"

"Gatvol!" Translated literally, this word means ”the hole is full.” Used as a term of absolute frustration, one is gatvol when one has had enough.

"Ja Nee" Translated, this means “Yes No” in Afrikaans. Yes, this is a paradox. No, it’s not seen as a contradiction in terms. South Africaball knows exactly what it means: So-so.Maybe.

"Ja-Well-No-Fine" Rolling off the tongue as one word, this phrase has taken on a sarcastic twist to mean that someone telling you something might be pretending to tell the truth, but actually the reality of the situation is the opposite.