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| “ | Oi mate, I think we landed on the wrong beach | ” |
— New Zealand, moments before getting shot at Gallipoli
|
New Zealandball , sometimes known simply as NZball,is a countryball southeast of 
Australiaball. She is the daughter and former colony of 
UKball and the sister of Australiaball, 
Canadaball, and 
USAball. She owns a pet kiwi and is known for the Lord of the Rings films, fucking Power Rangers, and being the Adventure Capital of the World. New Zealand has 3 children: Niue, Tokelau, and the 
Cook Islands. Even though New Zealand is known for being a peaceful, caring nation, she used to be can still be a fierce warrior and a sheep shagger. She often gets mixed up with Australiaball. Other countryballs, especially stupid America, often confuse her with Australia. It's been planned for a while to change her flag, as many consider the UK Flag symbol in the corner to be a "dated symbol," but many still prefer the original flag. Some people are saying she is an emerging power, which isn't the same as a potential superpower.
She used to be part of a sunken continent named Zealandia, which had split from Australiaball 80 million years ago but is blub 20 million years ago, so New Zealand is now much smaller. She harbours the Taupo supervolcano that can kill 
Earthball if it erupts, and has an even deadlier explosion radius than Yellowstone's.
History
Pre Colonization
Some time in the 12th century, the 
Maori, the first inhabitants of New Zealandball, lived on a series of small islands called 
Polynesiaball after sailing from Asia. Unfortunately, they began to run low on food supplies and set sail in search of new land and space to expand, and after months of sailing they landed on what was the coast of New Zealand. They decided to settle down on this land for what they said looked like a "big cloud." They considered it a good omen, and so eventually settled down there, taking care of its natural beauty and resources. They collected fruit.
But eventually, exploration of this new land instead of the sea became too enticing for the once sea-faring people; Maori engaged into constant tribal warfare and became very warlike, like their old ways. Fighting over land and regions and taking prisoners as slaves from enemy tribes, or "Iwi," became their new instincts. They prayed to their dead ancestors, since they considered some of them to be sacred. These sacred people are called "tapu", or taboo. Consuming the flesh of their enemies, as part of their culture, was considered as gaining their "Mana".
European arrival
In 1642, 
Netherlandsball was sailing across the Pacific Ocean, when he finally spotted land, but before he came ashore he was attacked by Maoriball and quickly left after finding four of his crewmen strewn in pieces on the coastline, being eaten. In 1769 
Englandball landed on shore and made peaceful contact with Maoriball, and after the 
French arrived. New Zealand's had rich resources, so he sold wood for ships and garden produce in trade for muskets, which unfortunately broke out in many musket wars between Maori tribes.
Colonization
In the 18th century, UKball was getting quite worried about the land he had taken from the Maori and feared Franceball might annex New Zealand, so in 1840 he had Maoriball sign the Treaty of Waitangi, which gave him full control of New Zealand and also made it compulsory for New Zealand to fight alongside UKball. New Zealandball was officially born. She then proved to UKball his loyalty to her by helping him fight South Africa in the Boer war, and UKball was very impressed with how well she was fighting. NZ did feel good for helping her dad but was heartbroken over the fact that the UK made her burn the South African villages and farms. From then on, New Zealand became an independent dominion in 1907.
World War I
As soon as Britain declared war on 
German Empireball, New Zealandball found himself fighting in Europe. In 1915, New Zealandball teamed with her brother Australiaball to form the ANZACS, and went to war against 
Ottoman Empireball. Unfortunately, on the day of the attack, she landed on the wrong beach and was shot.
The 1920s, Great Depression, And First Labour Goverment
After World War One, New Zealandball signed the Treaty of Versilles and joined the 
League Of Nations, and made ANZAC day a National Holiday. Life remained fine for him until the Wall Street Crash in USAball in 1929, and like most, New Zealandballs economy was decreasing immensely. A huge earthquake also hit Hawkes Bay in 1931. The people of New Zealand finally had enough of the Depression, and in 1935, the First Labour Government under this guy won the elections. Now, New Zealand's economy is prospering much better than it was in the past. They would soon celebrate their 100th anniversary in 1940, but in 1939, The United Kingdomball declared war on 
Nazi Germanyball starting WW2, so New Zealand, along with Australiaball, also went to war against Nazi Germany.
The Second World War, And Full Independence
During New Zealand's and Australia's war against the Nazis and the Italians in North Africa and Crete, USAball offered New Zealand a deal: let his soldiers crash in her clay in return for protection against Japan, whom was already coming in close and New Zealand had already declared war on. New Zealand accepted the offer. 
New Zealandball and the United States became great friends because of this. After the war, New Zealand also accepted many 
Jews and 
Poles into their land as refugees, though Australiaball accepted far more. They finally become fully independent in 1947. In 1949, the first National Government was elected.
The 1950s, Nuclear Testing, And Vietnam
New Zealandball hosted the 1950 
Commonwealth Games in Auckland, sent troops to the Korean War in 
South Korea's side, sent Soldiers to help Malaysia against the communists, and in 1953, suffered a train wreck. One of his biggest achievements was being the first to climb the top of Mt. Everest with 
Nepalrawr. New Zealand, during this time, also became less maintained with UKball. They soon started bringing newer immigrants mainly from Netherlandsball. During the 60s, New Zealandball started to get pissed with constant nuclear testing, and sent solders to the war in Vietnam, and her own form of civil rights were just around the corner from there.
Relationships
Friends/Mates
New Zealand is a multi-cultural country (mainly consisting of Anglos-Celtics, Maori, other islanders, Fijian Indians and recently some 
Chinese), so unless you piss me off, you're a friend. But here are some of my best mates.
- Anglos - The Anglo countryballs are muh mates.
UKball - Best adoptive father EVER!! I share some cultural history with him, but I now have a unique cultural identity and accent. Also, the bloody Pom who can't play rugby to save his life. However, he loves me for keeping my Union Jack, and my loyalty to him. And, by the way, DAD YOU'RE NOT SEEING DOUBLE, WE'RE TWO SEPARATE SONS OF YOURS! Right, Aussie? Also, I'm not doing THAT with him, dad! I'm not crazy, I don't even like him that much!
- Englandball - Won't admit I'm better at rugby & cricket? Hmm.
- Northern Irelandball - Don't know much about him outside the fact he is obsessed with flags to the point that it's scary.
- Scotlandball - That one uncle I have with the bagpipes that highly influenced Dunedin. Can't into independence, sadly.
- Walesball -
Awesome in bed!Probably the only person who understands sheep like I do.He is also my husband.I have a longer name than him!
- Australiaball -
@#$!# Stupid shooter! You killed 50 people in two of my mosques in Christchurch! I WILL GIVE YOU THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF PUNISHMENT FOR THISS!!!!! @@#!!$ But that's ok cause it was just a citizenMy more famous adoptive brother that everyone mistakes me as. We have a sibling rivalry, and also fought together as the Anzacs in World War 1.Stop stealing my dishes and celebrities you unoriginal c***!Bowls like a bloody idiot. I WILL NEVER FORGET 1981. Still love you dearly, though <3.By the way, I have more friends than you! Get rekt! Ya wanker. - Canadaball - We both say 'eh', but Canadaball is much more stereotyped for it. We are both overshadowed by our adoptive siblings, and we both share being equally nice! Except for when I'm drunk. Then we as good as gold!
- USAball - The shining star of the adoptive siblings. I had a good trade with USA,
After I Let his Soldiers crash into my country during the Second World WarHad some controversy with him during the '80s with those nuclear weapons. And I refused to let him park his own ships near my waters, but we are now on good terms. Loves the Lord of the Rings films too. Though he annoys me a lot,sure..i look like aussie but I'M NOT GODDAMN AUSSIE- *insert here to be continue song here*
- Maoriball -The best Native people who taught us the way to being a proud Kiwi. He is important to our Rugby victory thanks to the Kamate! I love his culture so much! I'm proud to make Maori our official and cultural language. Thank you and victory to you all!
- Nepalrawr - Good friend of mine. Me & Nepal (since he owns it) were the first to reach the top of Mt. Everest!
- Commonwealthball - Who is that bloke again?
- NATOball - I'm their major Non-NATO ally.
- Micronesiaball - I own most of your islands.
- South Koreaball - Good friends with them. Apparently she is a sworn enemy with North Koreaball, so South Koreaball is our Mate. We also helped her fight the North during the Korean War. Future sister in law too.
- Netherlandsball - Was the first European explorer of my clay, and also gave me my name! Until the Maori killed him for some reason. IDK why. Hungry?
- Portugalball - My father's best friend. Would like to know him a bit more
- Chileball - Gave me wheat during the gold rush. We both can into EARTHQUAKES and hating Peru, but Russia would put a stop to this.
- Indiaball - Adoptive brother. A good cricket player and he makes a mean as curry, top sh*t.
- South Africaball - Me and him had a fight about his apartheid, but we're on good terms. Probably the only one who is a challenge to beat in rugby.
- Brazilball - A mean as player at football. Lots of HUE, aye?
- Germanyball - My uncle. We both drink our beer brands together, But... Remember WW2! Also, give Mercedes and Aldi plz.
- Chinaball - Biggest trading partner. Many Chinese tourists visit me.
By crikey, your tourists are annoying, and your shops aren't much better either. Oh, and learn how to drive too!And please keep buying my exports, I need the money. Basically you're a part of me for your Fish N Chip shops and Chinese restaurants. ALSO PISS THE CORONA VIRUS AWAY FROM ME! - Japanball - We give them our dairy products and they give us their cars. We both also helped each other during earthquakes in early 2011.
- Argentinaball - Likes to come over and pick my fruit and bring it back to his land but I don't mind. By the way, why would he take a translation of the French name to those stupid li'l islands out there?
- Tringapore - Economic trading partners. He is my cousin.
- Spainball - Aunt literally on the other side of the world (EARTH SANDWICH!) Thanks for building my trains for me. We both can into OCED (Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development)
- Greeceball - Me and Australia allied and helped him with Crete in WW2.
- Switzerlandball and Icelandball - European versions of us, we both can into mountains, safety, neutrality,
and don't give a fuck about the world - Malaysiaball - Cousin. And I helped him against Communism in the 50s.
- Russiaball - Former enemies, (See Enemies = Soviet Unionball), now good friends. We both drink vodka together, we are also both in APEC.
BUT WHY YUO GIB WEAPONS TO FIJI!?!? - Serbiaball - Helped him in WW1, fighting ] kebab together with Australia. He also won the U-20 in 2015, hosted by me. But I recognise Kosovo..., but at least not Vojvodina.
- Niueball, Tokelauball, And Cook Islandsball: Ah, my little children, I will always take care of you three, but do you all want independence?
Or I'll just annex and kill off all three of you instead. - Denmarkball - We both can into being the least corrupt nations in the world.
- Mexicoball - Cousin who gives out tacos and burritos, also can into APEC and I'm an observer of his Pacific Alliance.
- Bermudatriangle - Won the Americas Cup there! It was fun to take place in this event!
- Irelandball - My potato-loving adoptive uncle. About 1/5 of my population have significant Irish descent.
- Belgiumball - I help liberate him in both World Wars.
- Polandball - I accepted Polish refugees from him during WW2.
- Ecuadorball - Gave me corn during the gold rush. We both can into EARTHQUAKES and hating Peru.
Neutral
- Franceball - Relations were tense in 1985 when she bombed my Greenpeace Ship in 1985, but she later apologised to me and we are now currently good friends, (Although, I'm still a bit grumbly sometimes...) We are also rivals at rugby. I narrowly beat her in the Rugby World Cup in 2011! Take that, Frenchie!
- Turkeyball - Australia and I (ANZACS) fought him (as The Ottoman Empire) during the First World War, but we both retreated away from him because he was the mean as player. Today, he now lets Aussie and I perform memorial services at Gallipoli. Lest we forget, mate.
- Israelcube - I'm not recognising Palestine for him (but I would like to sometimes), and he's fine and all, BUT NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU DID TO MY AMBASSADOR!
- Peruball - He can into Asian Pacific Cooperation Union like me! But, YOU DESTROYED ME IN 2017, I'M SO SAD ABOUT NOT BEING IN A WORLD CUP! I SAW YOU BEAT AUSTRALIA TOO! BUT AT LEAST YOU GOT YOUR ASS KICKED OUT BY FRANCE AND DENMARK GREAT! WE HAD BEEN AVENGED!
- Antarcticaball - Quit resisting my claim on you!
Some Bloody Wankers/Bastards/Enemies
- Corona-Virus - STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME WUHAN CHINA!!! WE DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE!
- North Koreaball - Apparently he read The Crysalids novel, realised New Zealand (erroneously Sealand) still exists after a nuclear holocaust, and threatened me with a nuclear strike, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LAUNCHING NUKES INTO MY CLAY SHIT KOREA, BUT YOU CAN'T ANYWAY, BECAUSE I'M FREE FROM NUCLEAR! REMOVE JUCHE AND KIM FAMILY!
- Soviet Unionball - We were all good until the mid-70s, and we nearly boycotted his olympics in 1980. Because remember The Soviet-Afgan War! Remove Communism from Premises!
- Bosnia and Herzegovinaball - Stole Tokelau's flag. That's all I can say about him. ANSCHLUSS!
- Pakistanball - HOW AND WAI YUO DEFEAT ME AT THE 2019 CRICKET WORLD CUP?!!! I WILL GET YOU AFTER THAT MATCH!!!
- Fijiball - Relations went tense ever since he got mad with me after I didn't help him in a coup that overthrew their former government.
After that, they became a batshit dictatorship.And stop hating on Aussie too! Anyway, Fiji is my biological brother.
- ISISball - You dare fuck with me or Australia ever again, you goat fucker, and I will scare the bloody shit out of you! KA MA TE!
- Japanese Empireball - Bugger ya c*nt! If you even dare bomb my beautiful clay I will bloody come over there!
- Ottoman Empireball - Look, mate, I pretty much only fought against you because I was dumped into that war. And also because my dad thinks he can beat everything by throwing countries at it.
- Brenton Tarrant - FUCK YUO! HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY IN AUCKLAND PRISON YUO MASS MURDERER!
Stereotypes
- One stereotype of New Zealand is that it doesn't exist. New Zealand is a country that is routinely distorted on maps, often being situated on one certain corner, or occasionally not situated anywhere at all.
- One stereotype is that New Zealand is 'where men are men, and so are the women'. For being masculine.
- Another is that New Zealand speaks a strange language (to be fair, their accent does sound unusual).
- New Zealand is stereotyped for being the best in the world at rugby. And why wouldn't we be? We won the world cup three times!
- Lord of the Rings. Enough said.
- New Zealand is also known for being the reason that the small islands of Oceania are not being annexed, in fact New Zealand pretty much decide whether they live or die, as he is one of the few countries that actually give a crap about them (the others are Indonesia, the Philippines, Madagascar and Malaysia).
- BUSH RECEPTION. Even internet.
- Auckland Vs. Rest of New Zealand. Aucklanders are seen as rich snobs or immigrants. The rest of NZ are thought of as Farmers, Bush people or Bogans.
- Ride a lot of Motorcycles and old cars. Especially Toyota utes and Holdens.
How To Identify Her And Her "Twin"
WILL YOU EVER STOP CALLING ME AUSSIE?!? FOR GOODNESS SAKE I HAVE PAV, MARMITE AND KIWIS. THEY JUST COPY US AND CLAIM PAV THEIRS. AND WHAT THE HECK IS A VEGEMITE?!?!?!?!
Sure we say g'day but we are DIFFERENT.
We have a red star with a white outline.
We have 4 stars instead of 6.
OK NOW STOP CALLING ME AUSSIE.
Gallery
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| Regions |  Northlandball • Aucklandball • Waikatoball • Bay of Plentyball • Gisborneball • Hawke's Bayball • Taranakiball • Manawatu-Wanganuiball • Wellingtonball ( Wellingtonball) • Tasmanball • Nelsonball • Marlboroughball • West Coastball • Canterburyball •  Otagoball • Southlandball
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|---|---|
| In free association | Cook Islandsball •  Niueball
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| Dependencies |  Tokelauball •  Ross Dependencyball
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| Former entities | Maoriball •  United Tribes of New Zealandball • British New Zealandball
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