| “ | The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. | ” |
— Otto von Bismarck
|
The 
Russian Empireball is a historical countryball. His clay once stretched from Europe all the way across the continents of Asia into North America, and even one time in Africa for a short moment in 1881 (Sagallo, Russia's Short-Lived Cossack Colony In Africa). He was killed and crushed by his son, the 
Russian SFSRball (aka 
Sovietball) during the 1917 
Russian Revolution.
Contents
History
Conquest and Expansion (1721-1801)
Russian Empireball was born in 1721 and replaced his father 
Tsardom of Russiaball that year. He descended from 
Slavsball and 
Mongol Empireball and by 1721, already had a vast domain stretching from the Baltic Sea to Central Siberia.
In 1739, Russian Empireball and Austrian Empireball tried to gangbang Ottoman Empireball in the Austro-Russian-Turkish War but he somehow beat them both and the war became inconclusive.
In the 1760s, Imperial Russiaball explored and conquered the Siberian and Central Asia plains and steppes with little difficulty or resistance from the local 
1ball tribes that lived there. He even went across the Bering Straits into Alaska and North America.
In 1774, the Russian Empireball took Crimea. Up until 1792 at the Treaty of Jassy, the Russians completely beat up the Ottomans.
In 1772, 1790, and 1795 Russiaball participated in 
all three partitions of Polandball and Lithuaniaball's clay with 
Kingdom of Prussiaball and 
Austriaball. Polandball's 1791 uprising against him was crushed with ease, and the 
French Revolution saw Russiaball from the Armed League of Neutrality of the North in 1799, in favour of trade with 
Franceball rather than 
UKball. The League was disbanded in 1801.
European Affairs (1801-1881)
In 1806, Franceball had invaded 
Polandball's former clay, and after a disagreement with Imperial Russiaball, who had just conquered 
Finlandball in 1809, he invaded Russiaball's clay in 1812 and reached 
Moscow, but Russiaball retreated and burned it to the ground, with a scorched earth strategy. Russiaball blocked his route home at Maloyaroslavets and forced him into conflict at Borodino. Franceball retreated safely, but by 1814, Russiaball was in the Coalition that was advancing upon Paris. In 1815, after Franceball's nationalistic fever calmed down, Russiaball was included in the Concert of Europe and became interested in the Balkans.
In 1853, after falling out with 
Ottoman Empireball, Imperial Russiaball threatened an invasion of Constantinople, which alarmed UKball and Franceball, who sent their armies to the Crimea to help Ottoman Empireball. UKball was mortally wounded at 
Sevastopol, but the fortress fell, and Russiaball agreed to disarm the Black Sea in 1856. Meanwhile, Russiaball sold his son 
Russian North Americaball to 
USAball, who renamed him 
Alaskaball, in 1867, something he would come to regret.
But Russiaball was not finished with the Balkans. In 1877 the Russo-Turkish war broke out, and in 1878 UKball and Franceball stepped in again, drawing up new borders for the clay there. Ottoman Empireball was forced to retreat from Eastern Europe, and 
Romaniaball and 
Bulgariaball born. In 1881, Russiaball survived an assassination attempt that would change his life. He also attempted to abolish serfdom at this point.
Russia in Revolution and Collapse (1881-1917)
In 1883, Russiaball got a new flag and started to expand south-east into 
Qing Chinaball's clay, taking Manchuriaball and 
Mongolia in the 1890s. Russiaball started to build the Trans-Siberian Railroad and also attempted to reform himself with the Industrial Revolution. He also started a colony called Sagallo in 1893, but it was stopped quickly Franceball. By 1900, Russiaball was still largely agricultural and undeveloped, despite having vast reserves of untapped resources. He was not too successful in imperialism, despite being in the Boxer expeditionary force of 1900, he lost the Russo-Japanese War in 1904-05, after having his fleets sunk at Port Arthur, and Tshuima Straits. His accidental son Sovietball, born in 1903 as Bolshevikball, used these failures as excuses to lampoon his father.
In 1905, Russiaball had a partial breakdown, which resulted in him cutting himself, and also forming a new parliament (the Duma) which had little power. In 1907 he joined the Triple Entente with UKball and Franceball, against the expanding 
Imperial Germanyball, and 1912 saw him attempt to interfere with the Balkan Wars, in favour of his Slavic brothers. However, in 1914 the Great War saw the strong but unprepared Russiaball suffer many wounds at the Masurian Lakes and Tannenburg battles. He had more luck during Osowiec, where the German's suffered heavy losses after the attack of the dead men, and also during the East invasion of Prussia, which resulted in an undecided outcome. He was also more succesful against the incompetent 
Austria-Hungaryball, invading his Galicia clay, as well as Ottomanball trying to invade him in winter, and held the front at a heavy cost for two years, until something inside him snapped in 1917. From March 8 to March 16, 1917, he had a personality change, resulting in him becoming a republican ball, but his son Bolshevikball was still fed up and used his father's weak state to murder him and take his place on November 7, 1917 during the October Revolution. He became R.S.F.S.Rball that year, and later after the Russian Civil War Soviet Unionball in 1922.
Relationships
Friends
USAball - I sold Alaska to him. We were warm neutral, but still really good friends. Both served in numerous wars together, stopped the Russo-Japanese War, and more. We've had a down in 1903-1905 but even still, we are very good friends. I’m very sorry that my Son and Grandson both hate you so much. Have a happy Memorial Day!
- - Yeah, I do too buddy. Thank you for Alaska. R.I.P to you! I really hate those stupid evil RED COMMIES WHO KILLED YOU FOR GOOD My dear good friend!!!!!!!
- Austrian Empireball - I help her in her wars and she support me too. But we had to be at war in WW1, sadly... And also an ally against that kebab.
- Franceball - Forced me into surrender on occasion. But was defeated by glorious Russia! Then we teamed up against the German Empireball. BUT NEVER FORGET THAT WAR!
- UKball - Fought him in the Crimea with Franceball. Then we teamed up against the German Empireball.
- Union of South Africaball - I had good relations with him when he was a Dominion of the British Empire. I also had close military relations with him and I like the Boers.
- Armeniaball - Kept a bit of his clay around as secret weapon against kebab. May he pay for what he did to you. Presently the only clay Armeniaball has left.
- Ethiopian Empireball - Fellow Eastern Orthdox brother that hates the UK. I also helped him during the first Ethio-Italian war. We are also good trading partners. Sadly, his emperor was also murdered by the EVIL REDS
- Kingdom of Romaniaball, Kingdom of Bulgariaball and Kingdom of Serbiaball - I freed them from Ottoman Empireball.
- German Empireball- We almost had an alliance in 1905. Our leaders are cousins btw.
- Kingdom of Italyball- We are good friends and I like you very much. Thank you for fighting the evil Reds. But leave Abyssinia alone plox!!
- Finlandball - My son who likes me for giving independence. Also, both remove tomato communist.
- Congress Polandball - My other son who tried to escape home in 1830 and 1863. You helped a bit in 1914.
- Alaskaball - Also my son whom I'm sorry about for selling him. Good thing 'Merica protected him from tomato vodka.
- Belarusball - She is my cute daughter! After Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealthball finally died, I adopted her. She cried a lot when I was killed/murdered. I miss you too my sweet daughter!!!!!
- Anti-Communismball - I super agree with you 100%. Please, don't forget what first happened here in 1917, we will help you against the evil Reds.
- White Movementball - Thank you for preserving my legacy and fighting against the Reds (although you did kind of bad I appreciate the effort).
Neutral
- Empire of Japanball - Damn you, stupid slit-eyes! 1905! Never Forget! Manchuria and especially Korea were rightfully mine! But we both became allies in WWI and you helped me against that fucking peasant that destroyed my legacy so I can forgive you, I guess????
- Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealthball - Sure, We had common enemies (Ahem, Swedish Empire, Nationalist Kebab), but you somehow managed to hold Moscowball for 2 years and then got partitioned
Enemies
- Swedish Empireball - My pathetic enemy that I defeated in 1721. LOL you're pathetic and I hope you die.
- Ottoman Empireball - My rival, one which I usually defeated easily. I always wanted to anschluss his capital to restore Byzantineball. Not to mention, this asshole committed genocide against Armenians.
- German Empireball - We used to be friends. Our Leaders were cousins! You wouldn't have won if it weren't for the REDS!
- Qingball - Manchuria is mine!!!!!! 1911 best year!!!
- SLAVE LOVER - YUO FUCKING DIXIE PIG! YOU ONLY SECEEDED BECAUSE YUO JUST LIKE SLAVERY! YOU DID NOT BECAUSE OF STATES RIGHTS, FUCKING CYKA! AND THEN YOU GO AHEAD AND DECLARE WAR ON MY FRIEND AND BLAMED THE WAR ON HIM!?! UNACCEPTABLE! I WILL SUPPORT THE NORTH, ALSO YOU WANTED THE POLISH NATIONAL GOVERMENT TO JOIN YOU BECAUSE THEY SUPPORTED YOU! 1865 NEVER FORGET!!! REMOVE SLAVERY! REMOVE DIXIE!
- Switzerlandball - Stop gibbing Lenin refuge!!!!!!! Throw the idiot man into a prison, the bastard.
- Communismball - Stop revolution!!!!!!! Stop revolting!!!!!!! Remove Vladimir Lenin!!!!!!! You're hampering our war effort!!!!!!!
- Russian SFSRball - Communist son who rebelled against me and later killed me in 1917 because I had starved him.
- Soviet Unionball - False communist successor! Remove Lenin!! Remove Stalin!! Remove the Reds! Remove Soviet and Remove Communism!!!!
- Russiaball - You Traitor!! You are just like your evil, monstrous and totalitarian Father Sovietball!! You still follow his policies!!!!!!!
- : AT LEAST I WASN'T OVERTHROWN AND KILLED DURING ONE OF THE WORST WARS IN HISTORY!!!!!! I’m glad that my good old dad killed you for good motherfucker!!!!!!!!!
- Estoniaball - My daughter who hates me, because I kill in 1896 using stampede, I did not mean it! Also she says I'm responsable for my son and my grandson exsisting. Look, It's not my fault okay? (cries)
- Lithuaniaball - Another daughter who hates me, but this time, she hates me for no reason.
Lost Children
- Congress Polandball - My son, why did you side with Germany?! But at least you held the Commies in Warsaw 1920! So Thank you!
- : I didn't want to be annexed by the Reds 'cuz they're terrible. Sorry, dad.
- Armeniaball - You left in 1917 and then the Reds killed you in 1920.
- Finlandball - I am proud of you for fighting My stupid son and defeating him in 1918.
- Georgiaball - Why did you leave me? Man those damn evil stupid Red Commies killed you in 1920.
- Lithuaniaball - You left me in 1917 but I’m glad that you defeated the damn Commies in 1919.
- Latviaball - You left me too but at least you defeated the evil stupid Soviet in 1920!!
- Estoniaball - WHY Y´ALL LEAVING ME BUT THANKS FOR DEFEATING THE EVIL REDS IN 1920!!!!!!
- Ukraineball - I am proud that you fought bravely against the evil monster Soviet until he killed you too. And also, yuo of deservings Crimeaball because my My Evil RED SON and My fucking asshole of a grandson sure as f*ck don't of deservings it after what they did to me and everyone else around the world with their fucking goddamn Communism.
Gallery
