Rule, Brittania!
— James Thomson
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
— Winston Churchill
F*ck you European Union, Tally ho you f*cking pr*cks...
— Brexit Song

UKball, also known as Britainball, is about to anschluss Hong Kongball to save his life a sovereign state and a unitary parliamentary constitutional monarchy in Western Europe. He is made up of four combined England-icon Scotland-icon Wales-icon Northern Ireland-icon countryballs in the islands of Great Britain and Ireland, sharing a border with Ireland-icon Irelandball, giving him an area of (93,600 sq mi) and a mild seasonal climate. His capital and largest city are London-icon Londonball.

While not only a member of NATO-icon NATO, he also works for the G20 (or Group of Twenty), a club that has the world's 19 largest economies plus the EU-icon EUball. This also applies to G7, which he works alongside Murica-icon USAball, Canada-icon Canadaball, Germany-icon Germanyball, Italy-icon Italyball, France-icon Franceball, and Japan-icon Japanball.

UKball is often seen as a former superpower on the world stage. The British Empire was the largest empire in all of human history. Even today, he still has significant influence, as he is the leading "soft power" and runs an organisation of nearly all of his former colonies called the English-icon Commonwealth and is a permanent member of the UN Security Council. Though the empire has dissolved, he loves to remember that he once dominated a very large part of the world, Rule Britannia!

UKball's birthday is on the 1st of May. His astrological sign is Taurus (Strong incompatibility with Virgos and Capricorns, like Second Mexican Empire-icon Mexicoball and Napoleonic-icon Franceball respectively). Since he left the EU he can into dank memes and free and open internet.


Before The French Normans Gaul-icon (3000 BC - 1066 AD)

England-icon Englandball and Scotlandball were born as Celticballs a long, long time ago (despite this Scotland-icon Scotlandball claims that England-icon Englandball was a Germania-icon Germanic). There were many Celticballs, such as Iceni-icon Iceniball, and they built things like Stonehenge and lived in stone, wooden or wattle-and-daub (mud) roundhouses.

SPQR-icon SPQRball arrived in 46 AD from continental Europe, having taken over their sister Gaul-icon Gaulball (the mother of France-icon Franceball). By 59 AD, Iceni-icon Iceniball was getting tired of SPQR-icon SPQR's despotism, and launched a rebellion with all the other Celticballs against SPQR-icon SPQRball, winning a few times.

However, SPQR-icon SPQRball's superior tactics and weaponry saw him triumph in the end, and after that, SPQR-icon SPQRball used more gentle methods to civilise the Celticballs and introduced Roman ways. They founding the City of Londinium, and introducing coins, laws, and other things from Rome, making the Celticball's home into the Roman province of Britannia.

However, SPQR-icon SPQRball grew weak and corrupt as the years went by, and by 410 AD, he had been defeated in battles by the barbarian Germania-icon Germanics, who sacked Rome numerous times in the 5th century AD and took much of his clay. SPQR-icon SPQR withdrew from Britannia and returned to Rome, where he died in 476 AD.

Once again, the Gaul-icon Celticballs entered a dark age without civilisation. Pictsballs from Scotlandball tried to invade, having proven Hadrian's Wall was no match for them, and Wales-icon Walesball was also getting uppity.

In the 7th century AD, though, SPQR-icon Saxonballs, Jutes, and Angleballs (descendants of the Germania-icon Germanics) from Germany migrated across the North Sea to Britain, and set up their homes there, becoming Angle-Saxons, and naming the land 'Angle-Land' (or, England-icon England).

They lived in peace for about a hundred years, building dykes in Wales-icon Walesball and forming the Kingdom of Mercia-icon Merciaball until the Vikings from Scandinavia arrived and found the Saxons-icon Saxons' monasteries easy targets for raids.

They kept harassing the various kingdoms of Saxons-icon Saxonballs, such as Kingdom of Wessexball, who took advantage of his alliance with Neustriaball in Franciaball and her technical progress and who held back the Vikings.

By 1016, however, Denmark-icon (helmet) Denmarkball had become ruler of England. His rule lasted until the mid 11th century when England-icon Englandball became independent when Saxons-icon Saxonball was chosen to succeed the throne in 1042 due to Vikingball's absence. Saxons-icon Saxonball ruled until 1066, defeating the Vikingballs for one last time at Stanford Bridge, before being killed by Normandyball, who invaded in 1066, at the Battle of Hastings.

The Normans and Plantagenets England-icon Kingdom of France-icon (1066-1485)

After 1066, Normandy-icon Normandyball set about stamping out all resistance to his rule in England. He defeated some rebels at the Battle of Ely Island and also conquered places like Sicily. He compiled the first modern census of England-icon Englandball, the Doomsday Book in 1087, and bought French influence to England-icon Englandball, who had Germanic roots. Meanwhile, the Celtic Scotland-icon Scotlandball was ruling himself.

In 1140, a civil war broke out in England-icon Englandball's head. His brief period of madness ended in the 1150s and returned to building castles such as Windsor across his clay. He was very weak at this point, even though the Vikingballs had stopped their raiding parties there.

In 1189, he joined his rival Kingdom of France-icon Kingdom of Franceball and HRE-icon Holy Roman Empireball in a crusade to the Holy Land (Palestine) to liberate it from the Caliphate-icon Caliphateballs and Arab League-icon Arabballs, who were Islam-icon Muslims.

They succeeded the first time, then went back to fighting each other until the mid 13th century when another series of crusades were called. This time, it didn't go so well, and the Christian European balls were defeated by the Muslims.

England-icon Englandball and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball also fought each other occasionally, with Kingdom of France-icon Franceball occupying London once and England-icon Englandball invading continental France. The Celtic Wales-icon Walesball was conquered by him in 1272. He also fought with his northern Celtic neighbour Scotland-icon Scotlandball eternal ally of Kingdom of France-icon Franceball, occupying his clay, until Scotland-icon Scotlandball rose up against him in 1297, with the battle of Stirling Bridge being decisive, and humiliating them. However, England-icon Englandball triumphed in the end, and Scotland-icon Scotlandball was demoted to the status of secondary power.

In 1301, another brief civil war started, but soon England-icon Englandball was over it and invaded and raid his rival clay once more, beginning the Hundred Years' War with her in 1337. He defeated her with Wales-icon Walesball's help at Crecy in 1347, and Poitiers in 1356, refusing the loyal fights of the French knights to kill them at a distance, humiliating Kingdom of France-icon Franceball again as his ally Burgundy-icon Burgundyball marched in to help occupy Paris-icon Parisball.

In the 1380s, however, a long civil war broke out in England-icon Englandball's clay, just as the Black Death was sweeping through Europe. By the 15th century, he had written great works of literature, such as the Canterbury tales, which would survive the Dark Ages.

He had also occupied a lot of Ireland, defeating the local Ulsterballs. In 1415, despite failing to take Mont-Saint-Micheal, he won his most decisive battle with Kingdom of France-icon Franceball at Agincourt, letting the French knights sink into the mud and killing them away, as before.

Kingdom of France-icon Franceball, however, had a trick up her sleeve, and managed to defeat him at Centre-Val de Loire-icon Orleansball in 1429, and enter Paris-icon Parisball. However, her luck ran out at the end of 1430, and Burgundy-icon Burgundyball captured the secret to her success in 1431 and sold it to England-icon Englandball who burned it as witchcraft.

However, Kingdom of France-icon Franceball who loved her new game to crush the England-icon Englandball soldiers, built new regiments of powder artillery to fight at distance (as preferred England-icon Englandball with his archery) and recovered all her clay in a few seasons (except Calais city) by 1453. Understanding that England-icon Englandball will never learn to cook correctly and prefers Bordeauxball's wine to him, Burgundy-icon Burgundyball had abandoned him like a dirty sock towards the end of the Hundred Years' War, crystallising a painful feeling of cultural inferiority for England-icon Englandball towards Kingdom of France-icon Franceball.

A last attempt to land in Kingdom of France-icon Franceball, terminated pitiably by a reception of french artillery and a charge of the Breton chivalry at Formigny in Normandy-icon Normandyball (1450), and, three years later another crush in Castillon near Kingdom of France-icon Bordeauxball identically. The Hundred Years' War was in fact over. A kind of cold war begun between Burgundy-icon Burgundyball and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball who both passed to Renaissance but England-icon Englandball stayed neutral.

In the 1470s, he experienced a long period of fear called the Wars of the Roses, which saw his agrarian infrastructure mostly destroyed in battles across the countryside. By 1480, however, the Whites had won the Wars. But in 1485, Wales-icon Walesball contributed to helping kick out the Whites in England-icon Englandball's brain and established a new Welsh dynasty in England-icon England's clay that year.

Exploration and Expansion (1485-1603)

By 1500, England-icon Englandball had advanced a lot but was still far behind many other European countries, in particular those in Italy-icon Italyball and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball who had begun the Renaissance, and Spanish-Empire-icon Spainball, with his massive golden New World empire. He employed the best European things in his court, like music and the arts, but also continued his wars against Scotland-icon Scotlandball in 1513, and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball in 1518, but briefly reconciled with his rival at the Field of the Cloth of Gold in 1520, after being athletically and culturally humiliated by her strange french king who didn't killed all the queens he had as it was funny for Englandball. Both rivals went back to fighting each other in 1545 when England-icon Englandball betrayed Kingdom of France-icon Franceball again and lost his last territories in the continent (Calais city).

He had also abandoned Catholicism in 1536/7 and sacked the monasteries that year, adopting Protestant Anglicanism as his official religion now. Also, he was going through internal turmoil in the 1550s, having developed a passion for burning and beheading. He harshly ruled his slave Kingdom of Ireland-icon Irelandball (Kingdom of), and sent ships to explore the New World in 1565, with Virginia being claimed by him. He also had a few religious changes over these years.

Meanwhile, Scotland was going through turmoil as well. In the 1570s, he tried to take over England-icon Englandball's clay by assassinating him but was caught and imprisoned until 1587. England-icon Englandball also began building himself a navy, as Spanish-Empire-icon Spainball launched her Imperial Armada at him in 1588. However, a storm came and the invasion didn't succeed and Englandball launched his armada to him too, but Spanish-Empire-iconSpainball destroyed all of it. In the 1590s and 1600s, he wrote 37 classic plays. Wales-icon Walesball's turn to rule England-icon Englandball's clay ended in 1603, and Scotland-icon Scotlandball took over running things, uniting the crowns of England and Scotland (monarchically, not politically yet).

Stuart Rule - Civil War and Act of Union UK-icon (1603-1714)

In 1605, some Catholics, who had been working for the Spanish, tried to blow up England-icon Englandball's parliament. Their plot, however, failed, and in 1620, some of England-icon Englandball's most devout religious parts went to his new colonies in the New World on board a ship called the Mayflower. Things steadily got worse in England-icon Englandball's head as tensions escalated into another Civil War in 1642, with Parliamentarian rebels victorious at Marston Moor in 1644, and the Battle of Naseby, in 1645, won the war for them. By 1647, the English Civil War had turned against the Royalists, and in 1649, England-icon Englandball executed his crown and declared himself a commonwealth (a type of republic). He colonised Jamaica in the 1650s and banned Christmas celebrations. However, despite the Second Civil War briefly instigated by Scotland in 1651 (who lost at the Battle of Worcester), it took until 1660 for the Commonwealth to fall. That year, England-icon England had a personality change, and became a monarchy again, albeit a constitutional one this time.

England-icon Englandball started forming alliances with European countries, after seeing Kingdom of France-icon Franceball expand eastwards in the 1670s and 1680s. He had a plague in 1665, followed by a fire in 1666, followed by an invasion of his clay by Dutch Empire-icon Dutchballs in 1667. So, he partook in the Nine Years War against Kingdom of France-icon Franceball. He became Catholic again in 1685 but then became protestant again in 1688, after his "Vivelaspin Glorious Revolution" that year. He fought a brief (civil) war in Ireland-icon Irelandball's clay in 1688-1691 but ultimately stayed Protestant after that. In the 1690s, Scotland tried to colonise in Panama, but the Darien Scheme failed, taking 1/5th of Scotland-icon Scotland's economy down with it.

England-icon England, however, was having a much better time, having made scientific and artistic advances throughout the late 17th century. He discovered calculus and gravity in the 1660s and 1670s, and by 1700, was one of the great powers of the world. The War of the Spanish Succession in 1700 saw him in a giant coalition that wins the war in 1704 against Kingdom of France-icon Franceball and Spain-icon Spainball who was in a civil war to impose the French Bourbon dynasty. Even without succeeding in penetrating Kingdom of France-icon Franceball's clay, the coalition prevented the fusion of the two catholic balls and their giant colonial empires.

In 1707 an Act of Union was finally signed between England-icon England and Scotland-icon Scotland... FUSION HAAA!!!!! This is how UK-icon the UK was born.

Colonise and Compromise ColAmerica-icon (1714-1815)

In 1714, the newly-formed UK embraced his Germanic roots again and joined in a semi-monarchic union with Duchy of Hanoverball. By now he had lots of islands in the Carribean which he had won in various wars and exterminating some natives, as well as Gibraltar-icon Gibraltarball was taken from Spain-icon Spainball in 1709, and large possessions stretching from the Atlantic to the Appalachian Mountains in North America. His son ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball looked after those for him. In 1715 UKball put down a Catholic uprising by a pro-Jacobite Scotland-icon Scotlandball, this happened again in 1745.

By the 1730s, UKball had started to explore India as Portugal-icon Portugalball and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball ever did, and had already conquered many Indian stateballs/rawrs' clay. He had also invented a semi-automated loom called the 'Spinning Jenny' in 1733, and by the mid/late-18th century, UKball was beginning to build large factories powered by a new invention of his, the steam engine, invented in 1765, which began the Industrial Vivelaspin Revolution in Britain. He had set up the East India Company-icon East India Company, which started a world international trading system, in competition with the dutch and the French one, as well as participating in the War of the Austrian Succession in 1744-1748. He was massacred by Kingdom of France-icon Franceball at the Battle of Fontenoy with all his coalition but got his revenge a few years later in the Seven Years' War (1754/56-1763).

UKball and his son ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball helped defeat Kingdom of France-icon Franceball's son New France-icon New Franceball in the New World, deporting the French people of France-icon Acadiaball, kidnapping Quebec-icon Quebecball in the process, and also kicked Kingdom of France-icon Franceball out of East India Company-icon India, apart from Pondicherry and later Chandernagnore, when Kingdom of France-icon Franceball was busy against Kingdom of Prussia-icon Prussiaball in Europe, despite several defeats against the New France-icon New-France's army and her native allies. By 1763, the battered Kingdom of France-icon Franceball sued for peace, losing almost all of her North American possessions to UKball. The war had cost her a lot, however, and UKball began imposing taxes on his son ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball to make him help pay for the war. UKball later repealed most of the acts, including the 1765 Stamp Act and the 1766 Quartering Act, but when he struck out at his son in 1770's Boston Massacre, tensions arose between father and son.

ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball dumped all of his father's East India Company tea into Boston Harbour in 1773, causing UKball to impose an armed curfew in his son's clay. In 1774, UKball declared his son's little brother Massachussets-icon Massachusettsball to be in a 'state of rebellion', and went over-armed. By 1775, the American Revolution/Civil War started. UKball and ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball had clashed at Bunker Hill, Lexington, and Concord, and an angry ColAmerica-icon Thirteen Coloniesball, in 1776 wrote the Declaration of Independence, and declared himself independent and now called himself USAball. Meanwhile, UKball discovered and claimed ColAmerica-icon Australiaball's clay and ColAmerica-icon New Zealandball's clay for himself.

Throughout 1777, USA-icon USAball was defeated by his stronger father, but as aid from his aunt Kingdom of France-icon Franceball came trickling in, he was able to defeat him at Saratoga Heights that year, and Kingdom of France-icon Franceball, desiring revenge against her rival, came to help actively in 1778, doubling the forces of the rebel army and paralyzing the navy of UKball. Spain-icon Spainball and Luxembourg-icon Dutch Republicball also came to help USA-icon USAball with material giving. By 1781, UKball had been cornered at Yorktown, and he surrendered to Kingdom of France-icon Franceball and USA-icon USAball, signing the Treaty of Paris-icon Parisball in 1783 to end the war of American Independence. He had been badly humiliated by his son and had to give up the Ohio Territory to him as well. But, he soon had more important things to worry about, as in 1789, his rival, the bankrupt Kingdom of France-icon Franceball, had her Vivelaspin Revolution, and became a constitutional monarchy, then a republic.

UKball and the other conservative, monarchist European empires formed a new giant coalition against France-icon Franceball, who defeated them in 1792, and again in 1794/5. She made a puppet state out of Luxembourg-icon Dutch Republicball, attacked Papal States-icon Papal Statesball in 1797 and tried to disrupt UKball's trade with his colonies in 1798 by landing in Egypt. However, UKball blew up her ships at Aboukir Bay, known also as the Battle of the Nile, and she was forced to abandon the plans after having built a new organisation in Egypt to withdraw it from English and Turkish influence. In 1800, UKball sent a fleet to Denmark-icon Denmark-Norwayball, and Sweden-Norway-icon Swedenball's clays, to persuade them not to enter the Northern League with Russian-Empire-icon Russian Empireball, which succeeded. He annexed Ireland-icon Irelandball's clay in 1801 as well. UKball paid a new coalition (the Third one) who was defeated again by Napoleonic-icon Franceball and ended in 1802 with the Peace Treaty of Amiens. However, UKball refused to leave Cape Colony to Batavian Republic-icon Batavian Republicball, and war resumed with his sister in 1805. He defeated her at Cape St. Vincent, then annihilated her navy at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805, escaping from an immediate invasion, winning control of the high seas. At the same time, he sent a new coalition of Austrian Empire-icon Austrian Empireball and Russian-Empire-icon Russian Empireball to bash her on the continent but Napoleonic-icon Franceball crushed it in the battle of Ulm, and after taking Vienna-icon Viennaball, in Austerlitz. Denmark-icon Denmark-Norwayball, having been attacked by UKball, joined Napoleonic-icon Franceball in 1807/9, and by 1811 Napoleonic-icon Franceball, after having kicked all the successive coalitions, ruled most of Europe. Meanwhile, UKball had his son Ontario-icon British North Americaball (now Canada-icon Canadaball) burn down USA-icon USAball's White House in 1814 during the war of 1812, due to a fight between the two siblings.

But then Napoleonic-icon Franceball invaded Imperial Russian-Empire-icon Russiaball's clay in late-1812, winning at Borodino, but was forced to retreat from a burning Moscow-icon Moscow when she was sick. She was defeated by the Sixth Coalition in 1813 at the Battle of Leipzig, and by June 1814, the Coalition forces were moving in on Paris; UKball had landed in Portugal-icon Portugalball's clay (his ally since 1386) and helped Spain-icon Spainball kick out Napoleonic-icon Franceball and Napoleonic (Kingdom of) Spainball, her son, there in the Peninsular Wars (1808-1814). Napoleonic-icon Franceball sent her Bonapartist instincts to Elba, but they escaped, and in mid-1815, returned to Napoleonic-icon Franceball's clay.

The Hundred Days Campaign, or the War of the Seventh Coalition, saw Kingdom of Prussia-icon Kingdom of Prussiaball defeated at Les Quatre Bras by an instantly resurrected french Grande Armée, before the gathered Kingdom of Prussia-icon Prussiaball's army, UKball and Luxembourg-icon Dutch Republicball stepped in to help him at the Battle of Waterloo, where Napoleonic-icon Franceball was defeated for good, and her Bonapartist instincts sent to UKball's estranged son St Helenaball's clay, where they died in 1821. UKball and Austrian Empire-icon Austrian Empireball set up the Congress of Vienna, to decide on the terms of the Treaty of Paris, and the Treaty of Kiel as well, sharing a new Europe in Great Empires to control Napoleonic-icon Franceball.

Rule, Britannia!- The Pax Britannica UK-icon (1815-1914)

After the reduction of the liberal Napoleonic-icon Franceball, UKball emerged as the world's foremost power. He now had a massive overseas empire and billions of pounds' worth in industrial and economic revenue. Some Corn Laws were introduced in 1816, during the famines of the Regency period, and saw the 1819 Peterloo massacre become a black mark on UKball's name. However, by 1825 UKball was once again on top of the world for real. He began a policy of abolitionism (anti-slavery), and was first to abolish the slave trade in 1807, then UKball freed his 8-icon 8ball slaves in 1833. He now took on weak nations such as Nepal-icon NepalRawr , Bhutan-icon [[Bhutanball] and File:Tringapore)-icon.png Tringapore)ball to expand his empire, and pushed the Boers in South Africa out of the Cape Colony and Beyond the Zambeze rivers. Tasmania was also colonised, and the native Australian Aborigines-icon Australian Aboriginalsball hunted down almost to extinction (as well as them being killed by diseases like Smallpox and Measles). He also intervened in the Rio de la Plataball to create Uruguay-icon Uruguayball in 1825.

However, UKball's status was soon put to the test, as in 1839, his most profitable colony, India experienced troubles with the Afghan-icon Afghanballs to the North-West. The East India Company's opium trade with Qing-icon Qing Chinaball had also just been cut off, and UKball beat up Qing China for British Hong Kong-icon Hong Kongball in 1841/2. He was no longer affiliated with British Hong Kong-icon Hanoverball, as in 1838 the royal union had been dissolved due to Hanoverball's Salic Laws. In 1843, UKball invaded Gwalioreball's clay in East India Company-icon India and began annexing the Indian State Rawrs. Punjab-icon Punjabball was annexed formally in 1849, and the Xhosaballs in the Natal in South Africa were warred against too. UKball's cities grew and grew in the mid-19th century, as the Industrial Vivelaspin Revolution attracted migration to London. However, Ireland-icon Irelandball's potato famine in 1845 caused discontent in his mind. The Maori signed the Treaty of Waitangi with him in 1840 though, which made him happy.

During this time, France-icon Franceball - who understood that she had to be discreet on the European chessboard- begun the building of a new giant empire in Asia, Pacific Ocean and Africa and strengthened her industrial strength with new inventions, returning to the race when countryballs thought she was annihilated. UKball signed pacts and treaties with his old enemies France-icon Franceball and USA-icon USAball, giving him Caribou (the city) in the 1842 Webster-Abshurton Treaty.

However, right after hosting the Great Exhibition of 1851, he went to war with France-icon Franceball and Sardinia-icon Sardiniaball against Russian Empireball, who was being aggressive towards the declining Ottoman-icon Ottoman Empireball. Despite a beautiful victory under the France-icon French commandment at Sevastopol in Crimea-icon Crimea, UKball suffered a bad defeat due to a military blunder at the Battle of Balaclava, in 1854, when he charged Russian artillery on horseback and received quite a spanking. By 1856, after another Baltic expedition had been planned, the Treaty of Paris was signed to end the Crimean War, which had seen war photography and nursing hospitals introduced to war. UKball was soon again called to arms the following year when his Indian servants mutinied, and he had to step in to resolve the Indian mutiny of 1857-8, after which he annexed Awadhball's clay. The 1856 Arrow Incident also gave him an excuse to go to war with Qing-icon Qing Chinaball again, with France-icon Franceball, in 1860, when he burned down Qing-icon Qing Chinaball's Summer Palace, and got Kowloon for his adopted son British Hong Kong-icon Hong Kongball.

UKball also built a large sewer system at home, after the Great Stink of 1858, and introduced labor and welfare laws, including pensions, in the 1850s and 1860s. He did not interfere with USA-icon USAball's Civil War, and instead made inventions like photography, steamships, and discovered Darwinian evolution. By 1871, however, the balance of power was dramatically shifted when two newly-unified nations appeared on the world stage - Italian-Empire-icon Italyball and German Empire-icon German Empireball. As demands for Home Rule from the Ireland-icon Irish and Scotland-icon Scottish grew, he ignored them and fought the Zulu Wars of 1878-79 and the First Boer War of 1881 for the Empire. However, after an Egyptian campaign in 1882, UKball participated in the Berlin Conference, and during the Scramble for Africa, forcibly adopted many new African balls, such as Sokotoball, and Rhodesia-icon Rhodesiaball. He got Cyprus-icon Cyprusball in 1878 following an incident with Ottoman-icon Ottoman Empireball.

In 1885 he led a campaign in Ontario-icon Canada, and in 1892 formed the Labour party at home, after the Ripper murders of 1888. In 1890, he traded Heligolandball to German Empire-icon Germanyball for custody of Zanzibarball, with whom he fought a 38-minute war with in 1896. He got machine guns and rifles for his new armies and fought the Mahdist Sudanballs at Omdurman in 1898, then Orangjeball and South African Republic-icon Transvaalball in the Second Boer War of 1899-1902. He also helped relieve the 1900 Siege of Peking but was humiliated by the Boers at the Battle of Ladysmith and the Siege of Maefking in 1900. The Siege of Khartoum in 1898 also helped resolve the Fashoda crisis with his sister.

The new century dawned with UKball at the apex of his power, the largest, most powerful, and by far the wealthiest empire known in history. He sent an expedition to Tibet in 1903, and formed an Entente Cordiale with his former rival France-icon Franceball in 1904, and then with Russian-Empire-icon Russian Empireball in 1907, against the ever-growing threat of German Empire-icon German Empireball, who was now engaged in a naval arms race with UKball over Dreadnoughts. The 1905 and 1911 Morocco crises drew the Entente closer together, and despite a 1902 Venezuelan dispute, UKball continued to maintain very good relations with USA-icon USAball. As the disillusioned working-class, and suffragettes, and Scotland-icon Scotlandball and Ireland-icon Irelandball demanding Home Rule all contributed towards the fractioning of Edwardian Britain, Serbia-icon Serbiaball's assassination of Austria-Hungary-icon Austria-Hungaryball's archduke led to the alliances of Europe dragging UKball and his associates into the Great War in 1914.

The Great War, the Jazz Age, and Another War German Empire-icon Ottoman-icon Nazi-icon Japanese-Empire-icon (1914-1945)

German Empire-icon German Empireball activated his Schlieffen Plan in August 1914 and raped Belgium-icon Belgiumball and Luxembourg-icon Luxembourgball, whom UKball was bound by the 1839 Treaty of London to protect. So, UKball went to war, and landed in France-icon Franceball's clay, blocking German Empire-icon German Empireball in the Race to the Sea, and ultimately ended up in the trenches with Ontario-icon Canadaball, Australia-icon Australiaball, and New Zealand-icon New Zealandball against German Empire-icon German Empireball. He had a brief Christmas truce in December 1914, then in 1915, saw the use of planes for both reconnaissance and bombing, airships, and poison gas in warfare. He got his sons Ontario-icon Canadaball, Australia-icon Australiaball, and New Zealand-icon New Zealandball to land in Ottoman-icon Ottoman Empireball's Gallipoli peninsula, but they were held back at Suvla Bay for a few months. Meanwhile, Egypt-icon Egyptball, UKball's adoptive son, invaded Ottoman Palestine, and got the oppressed Arabballs to help revolt against Ottoman Empire ball in exchange for freedom and self-determination after the war. However, UKball and France-icon Franceball's 1917 Sykes-Picot Agreement made sure that it did not happen. UKball and France-icon Franceball also captured German Empire-icon German Empireball's other overseas colonies, such as German South-West Africa-icon German South-West Africaball, German East Africa-icon German East Africaball, German New Guinea-icon German New Guineaball, and fought with him in the Falklands, and in the Indian Ocean. UKball's ally Japan-icon Japanball helped take Kiau Chau and German Samoa-icon German Samoaball.

By 1916, the war on the Western Front had reached a stalemate, and France-icon Franceball's Neuve-Chapelle offensive failed to breakthrough. UKball fought at Jutland, and also introduced with France-icon Franceball tanks at the Battle of the Somme, but still, the stalemate continued. In April 1916, Ireland-icon Irelandball hosted an uprising in Dublin, and UKball went over to crush it, but it would be too ineffective. In March 1917, the DORA act was enforced strictly, and Russian-Empire-icon Russian Empireball had a Vivelaspin revolution, and became a republic, but remained in the war until October when he had another Vivelaspin revolution. USA-icon USAball, however, was sent the intercepted Zimmermann telegram by German Empire-icon German Empireball to Mexico-icon Mexicoball, and joined the Allies as a result. By March 1918, USA-icon USAball had arrived in Europe, and German Empire-icon Germanyball, after signing the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk, charged the Western Front in a last desperate attack, which failed, and German Empire-icon German Empireball, after seeing his allies surrender, and starving due to UKball's naval blockade, signed the armistice at 11:11 a.m., 11 November 1918.

The following year, the 1919 Paris Peace Conference saw UKball and France-icon Franceball divide up German Empire-icon German Empireball's colonies- UKball got German East Africa-icon German East Africaball, German New Guinea-icon German New Guineaball, and his son South Africa-icon South Africaball got German South-West Africa-icon German South-West Africaball. He also got British Palestine-icon Palestinecube, Transjordanball, and Iraq-icon Iraqball from the Ottoman-icon Ottoman Empireball's clays. UKball and his sister carved up the German Empireball's clay in Europe as well- his son, Germany-icon Weimar Republicball, inherited an impoverished nation of strife and turmoil, as UKball demanded reparations of £6.6 billion. Despite the reparations, UKball still suffered from post-war austerity for the first few years of the 1920s, including being forced to concede defeat in Ireland in 1922, and giving Ireland-icon Irelandball his freedom, as Ireland-icon Irish Free Stateball (he kept Northern Ireland-icon Northern Irelandball), but he also discovered Tutankhamen's tomb in Egypt-icon Egyptball's clay, as well as giving women the vote. League of Nations-icon League of Nationsball had just been created, of which UKball was a founding member of. He now turned to his son USA-icon USAball for entertainment and took home things like cocktails, and the Charleston. Despite a General Strike in 1926, the Empire and Homeland did well, until the global financial crash of 1929.

UKball, with his stock market plummeting, decided to listen to the Labour party in his head- he cut spending costs to the bone and adopted a policy of 'Britain's problems first' in response to the growing threat of Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball and Japanese-Empire-icon Imperial Japanball abroad. In 1931, the Statute of Westminster gave his sons Ontario-icon Canadaball, Newfoundlandball, South Africa-icon South Africaball, Australia-icon Australiaball, and New Zealand-icon New Zealandball de facto independence. British Raj-icon British Rajball was also getting stroppy for independence. In 1935 he failed to help defend Abyssinia-icon Abyssiniaball against the Fascist Italy-icon Fascist Italyball, and did nothing to stop Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball from remilitarising the Rhineland in 1936, then ReichTime Anschluss Austria-icon Austriaball in 1938. After Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball kidnapped Czech-icon Czechoslovakiaball, UKball and France-icon Franceball signed the Munich Agreement with Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball. But just as the 1933 Four Powers Pact and the 1935 Stresa Front had failed, this agreement was overstepped by Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball in January 1939 when he annexed Czech-icon Czechoslovakiaball's clay. UKball began remilitarising, and in September 1939 declared war on Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball after he invaded Second Polish Republic-icon Polandball's clay.

UKball and France-icon Franceball did nothing but wait behind the Maginot Line as Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball blitzkrieged through Poland-icon Polandball, Denmark-icon Denmarkball, Norway-icon Norwayball (UKball did try to intervene here, but failed at Narvik), Netherlands-icon Netherlandsball, Belgium-icon Belgiumball (again), and Luxembourg-icon Luxembourgball. France-icon Franceball's clay was invaded in June 1940, she built a defensive line in a kamikaze operation in Dunkirk and sacrificed some troops to cause enormous damages to german forces before surrender and let intact UKball's army clear out to continue the war. UKball jumped in Englandball after being raped by Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball, who then began a battle for air supremacy with UKball's RAF against his weakened by France-icon Franceball Luftwaffe in the skies. After France-icon Franceball was divided between Free France-icon Free Franceball (fighting with Englandball) and Vichy France-icon Vichy Franceball (beginning a collaboration with the enemy) Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball then switched to trying to bomb UKball into submission. UKball survived the blitz and began assembling convoys to help protect merchant and supply shipping from his son, sending supplies to him from across the Atlantic. He was helpless as Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball sunk some of his best ships, and took out his naval base at Crete, but was able to decipher his Enigma codes from mid-1941 onwards, thanks to Bletchley Park.

After Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball's invasion of Soviet-icon Soviet Unionball in June 1941, and Japanese-Empire-icon Imperial Japanball's bombing of USA-icon USAball's Pearl harbor naval base, UKball gained two major allies in the war. The following days saw Japanese-Empire-icon Imperial Japanball attack UKball's colonies in East Asia, such as British Hong Kong-icon British Hong Kongball, Malaysia-icon Malayaball, Sawarakball, British North Borneoball, and British Singapore-icon British Tringapore, which was poorly protected from land- Japanese-Empire-icon Japan just rode a bike through the dense jungle. By mid-1942, British Burma-icon British Burmaball had also fallen, as had New Guineaball, and Australia-icon Australiaball's clay was being bombed. After the Battle of the Coral Sea, the tide began to turn for the ANZAC forces. Meanwhile, UKball was diverting food away from British Raj-icon British Indiaball to help sustain the war effort, causing famine for British Raj-icon British Indiaball. After Free France-icon Free Franceball slowed the german and Italian advance down at the defensive battle of Bir Hakeim in North Africa, UKball defeated Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball at the second battle of El Alamein, and with USA-icon USAball's help drove Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball back into Sicily, which was invaded in early 1943.

Meanwhile, the battle of Imphal halted Japanese-Empire-icon Japanball's rampage in South-Eastern Asia, and as the Allies pushed up Italian-Empire-icon Italyball's clay, Italian-Empire-icon Italyball had a personality change, and became non-fascist after the 25 Luglio coup. Italian Social Republic-icon Italian Socialist Republicball continued fighting the Allies though, who landed in Monte Cassio, then in the South of France-icon Franceball's clay in Operation Dragoon. On the morning of 6th June 1944, USA-icon USAball, UKball, and Ontario-icon Canadaball stormed five beaches in Normandy, liberating Caen, then allowed Free France-icon Free Franceball to take Paris-icon Parisball back in September 1944. Instantly, Free France-icon Free Franceball resurrected a strong army as she did in 1815 to give a decisive boost to the strikes on the western front. UKball and Co. pushed on into the Ardennes, winning the Battle of the Bulge, and surviving the V-1 and V-2 rocket assaults, and liberating the Low Countries, pushing onwards into the heartland of Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball itself. UKball's RAF bombed Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball's cities even more heavily than he had been, vapourising Dresden and Hamburg. As the allies closed in on Berlin in February to April of 1945, Nazi-icon Nazi Germanyball committed suicide, ending the war in Europe with the surrender on 8th May 1945 (V-E Day). Japanese-Empire-icon Imperial Japanball surrendered a few months later, on the 3rd of September 1945 (V-J Day), after two atom bombs had been dropped on his cities by USA-icon USAball, ending the Second World War altogether.

After the Wars- Reconstruction, Cold War, Thatcherism USA-icon Soviet-icon

After World War II, UKball was broke, but he wanted to take advantage of his current troop's position. He tried to keep Syria-icon Syriaball and Lebanon-icon Lebanonball's clay who were under France-icon Franceball's protection but gave up fighting his ally, having already suffered damage on his part in Senegalball's clay during the war and knowing the risks. The billion-dollar debt to USA-icon USAball had to be paid back in full, and there was the cost of re-building. However, the colonies were now demanding their self-determination. In 1947, following a proposed partition plan by the newly-created UN-icon UNball, the successor to League of Nations-icon League of Nationsball, of which UKball was a permanent Security Council member, India-icon Indiaball (and Pakistan-icon Pakistanball, and Pakistan-icon East Pakistanball) all became independent. Malaysia-icon Malayaball followed with a communist insurgency in 1948, and Palestine went to the UN, only to be partitioned with the Jewcubes who had survived the Holocaust that year too (although the peacefulness of this partition is debatable) and independence was also granted to Myanmar-icon Burmaball. Canada-icon Canadaball absorbed Newfoundlandball in 1949, just as a new Cold War era was looming over the horizon. With USA-icon USAball and Soviet-icon Sovietball both now possessing weapons of mass destruction, UKball was no longer a true superpower. Unlike his rival, rather than fight costly colonial wars, he just let his colonies go. Ghana-icon Gold Coastball left in 1958, Nigeria-icon Nigeriaball in 1959, Egypt-icon Egyptball kicked UKball out of his clay following the 1956 Suez Crisis, and Sudan-icon Sudanball did so after the condominium of 1898 expired in 1958, Kenya-icon Kenyaball and Tanzania-icon Tanzaniaball in 1961/2, Rhodesia-icon Rhodesiaballs in the early 1960s, Gambia-icon Gambiaball and Sierra Leone-icon Sierra Leoneball in 1962, and Yemen-icon Adenball in 1959. Cyprus-icon Cyprusball left in 1960, but UKball kept two military bases on the island. He fought in Korea in 1950-53 as well.

In the 1970s, UKball developed punk rock, and despite the oil crisis of 1973, and the power shortages during the 1978-79 winter of discontent, UKball's resolve stood firm. He embraced Margaret Thatcher-icon Thatcherism in 1979, despite Scotland-icon Scotlandball's renewed calls for independence, rejecting his 1979 referendum, and using his oil (from the McCrone report). The SNP was not pleased, and in 1982, when Argentina-icon Argentinaball tried to invade Falklands-icon Falklandsball's clay, the now workaholic UKball went to war sending a large naval Task Force (assembled in Portsmouthball, a cityball of UKball), winning over Argentina-icon Argentinaball decisively. His Margaret Thatcher-icon Thatcherism saw the mines closed, and the stock markets crisis, apart from in 1987, when Black Monday hit. By 1989, as the Iron Curtain fell, UKball had become a 'modern' state- advanced in technology, yet retaining its culture. Even though the 1990s, as the economy became unstable, and Scotland-icon Scotlandball, Northern Ireland-icon Northern Irelandball, and Wales-icon Walesball each received their own parliaments. In 1997, China-icon Chinaball stole Hong Kong-icon Hong Kongball, which destroyed his empire. As UKball entered the new millennium, he helped remove the Y2K bug as well.

EU-icon Into the new Millennium UK-icon

UKball was involved in the Second Gulf War coalition in 2003, and he fought in Iraq-icon Iraq, Afghan-icon Afghanistan, and Syria-icon Syria between 2007 and 2015. UKball is no longer quite as powerful as he used to be (though still proving that size isn't everything), but after the 2005 terrorist attacks left him reeling, UKball now has one of the best security systems in the world and is one to the world's most advanced nations. He now continues to rule, despite a close 2014/5 Scottish independence referendum vote.

On June 24, 2016, UKball announced that they will leave EU-icon EUball, as he did not like being told what to do, giving birth to a secret joy in the heart of France-icon Franceball who prophesy it and was waiting for it to transform the Union. This led to Germany-icon Germanyball & other EU countries trying to convince him to stay, much to UKball's disgust. Negotiations to fully leave are currently underway but now Scotland-icon Scotlandball and Northern Ireland are contemplating independence from UKball so that they can remain in EUball. On June, 8th, 2017 he had an election which Theresa May won, but there was a hung parliament. When he made the decision he was half asleep and didn't really know what was going on. When he woke up and learned what he had done, he panicked and tried to get a do-over. He still hasn't got one and now is beginning to hate his Prime minister for refusing to give one.

On 19th May 2018, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle got married. UK ball celebrated this special day

On 31st January/1st February 2020, he finally left EU-icon EUball, and is now talking with him about their deal.

Also on 31st January, the first case of COVID-19 is reported in Britain by China-icon Chinese nationals.


Uk card

He loves Tea (a bit too much, as he panics when he runs out and stabs anyone who steals it), Fish & Chips, Football, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Top Hats, Monocles, Canes, Scotch Whisky, Pork, Sexual Repression, Stiff Upper Lip, and World Domination.

Nowadays, UKball experiences heavy nostalgia for his old British Empire-icon empire like Russia-icon Russiaball, back when he really ruled the waves (still does, but not as much) but he along with others is planning space exploration and will rebuild the empire there (Britannia rule the stars?).

Has a friendly rivalry with estranged son USA-icon USAball (Although sometimes slightly annoyed by his arrogance) and Germany-icon Germanyball, who is UKball's other favorite European friend alongside the likes of Belgium-icon Belgiumball. Kicked France-icon Franceball's arse with the likes of ReichTime Reichtangle, although these days they are friends. Currently doesn't like Spain-icon Spainball as they pretend they are strong and can take Gibraltar-icon Gibraltarball, same with Argentina-icon Argentinaball and Falklands-icon Malvinasball (Malvinas? What the bloody hell is that?).

Nations within UKball

UKball is a combined kingdom of three different nations and one province:

UK territories with Ivory Coastball (that switched places with Irelandball)

  • England-icon Englandball - The main ball of UK, he is the leader of the three, holding both the British Monarchy & Parliament. (in some comics, Englandball is synonymous with the whole UK, while in others its the exact opposite) His old Imperial self loves conquest, roast beef, and tea. His modern Chav self loves Rock & Roll, anarchy, football, and speaking in crude English (u wot m8?! I'll bash ur fookin head, swear on me mum). He is now upset that he has no government like the other countries in the UK do.
  • Scotland-icon Scotlandball - The northern neighbor of England-icon Englandball, he loves bagpipes, claymores, and FREEDOM. He still cannot into independence. He is sometimes found under UKball's tophat. After leaving the EU he wants to leave more and more by the minute from England-icon Englandball (not really anymore). He is very often seen arguing with England.
  • Wales-icon Walesball - West of England-icon Englandball, Walesball is the brother of Scotland-icon Scotlandball and the origin of medieval England's longbow, which helped them kick France-icon Franceball's arse some times. Still loves molesting sheep today.
  • Northern Ireland-icon Northern Irelandball - Once upon a time, all of Ireland-icon Irelandball was part of the UK. But after he rebelled in 1916, Ireland was split into two, with the north side (Ulster-icon Ulsterball being split himself) remaining loyal to UKball. He is of Protestant faith, unlike his Catholic neighbor down south. Unfortunately, he is also quite retarded (gib fleg).

Counties of England

Flag Colours

Resolution Blue 0, 31, 126 C100-M75-Y0-K51 #001F7E
White 255, 255, 255 N/A #FFFFFF
Philippine Red 208, 12, 39 C0-M94-Y81-K18 #D00C27



  • Hong Kong-icon Hong Kongball - Son whom I raised him until China-icon Copycat tea stole him from me. I mourn the poor fate of him under the copycat tea's rule. I love this boy very, very much. He was my best colony until 1997, the year when China stole him. Also, he used to provide me a lot of money like his twin, Singapore-icon Tringapore. Your Cantonese tonal language is hard as hell to learn. I'm glad I don't have to learn it anymore. Also, I love your egg tart (蛋撻). It tastes like a pie or Portugal-icon Portugalball's Pastel de nata (葡撻). I am going to take revenge on your biological father, to show how British you are!! I'M GOING TO DEFEND YOU, MY SON!!!! DON'T WORRY, WE WILL MAKE THE CCP COLLAPSE!!!! HERE, TAKE THIS BRITISH PASSPORT!!
  • Portugal-icon Portugalball - My oldest ally and best mate, if I were Sherlock Holmes, he would be my Wattson, but unfortunately, we don't talk a lot with each other. One of these days we'll get together to play a football game and then drink in a pub. I also tip my hat to you for stopping that tosser Dr. ACactivism during my dear SuRie's performance at Eurovision 2018 before things got worse, cheers!
10928998 369859049852556 3013967334802586500 n

UKball and Franceball's relationship

  • France-icon Franceball - A former rival and ex-wife, now married to Germany-icon Germanyball. Once I went to war with her and ended up having one of the best nights of my life (and Canada was born after that... a long story to tell here) Say, she could be what Japan-icon Japanball calls Tsundere (once she calls me Rosbif). She used to own the Falklands-icon Falklands (or Malouines in her language) at first by the way. She's kind of mad that I won her Tour de France bicycle race so many times in the 2010s (4 of them with the same rider). She brags that her La Francophonie has more countries in it than my Commonwealth, even though the Commonwealth is still bigger if you only count true members. She blasted Croatia in Fifa which surprised me. Pogba and Mbappe is too good.
  • Croatia-icon Croatiaball - A great Slavic mate who also beat me in the world cup this year. At least you're good at football!
  • Spain-icon Spainball - We've had a complicated relationship, but nowadays we're both allies in NATO-iconNATO, but I dislike Venezuela-iconBolivia-iconCuba-iconArgentina-icon four of her sons. And Gibraltar-icon Gibraltar is still mine! Once I went to war with her and I sank her Spanish Armada (And after that the USA was born... buuuuttt this also a long story to tell here)!!! 
  • Canada-icon Canadaball - He's the good son, loyally following the crown and being there when I need him. He was granted peaceful independence, unlike my other son, USA-icon USAball. Thanks for expelling four of Russia-icon Russiaball's spies! Love you son. I will defend you from China-icon Chinaball! Meng Wanzhou deserves to be kept under your control! Yuo are the best 99/100
  • USA-icon USAball - He's my eldest (but not the biggest) and proudest son. Well, kind of. But he did support me in my time of need, and now the two of us fight kebabs together as father and son. He makes me proud and he's even gotten bigger and stronger than me! Well done son! But he still needs to lose that damn weight of his and for the love of the Queen will you please stop butchering my bloody accent and English! And would it kill you to convert to the metric system? And why do you always have to try to outdo me? Just because I voted Brexit it didn't mean you had to elect Trump! He is still the son that takes after me the most, however. Plus, stop mutilating your son's willies! And stop destroying the minds of British children with fanboyish shows! By the way, Thanks for expelling 60 of Russia-icon Russiaball's spies, much appreciated son!
  • Israel-icon Israelcube - He's cute. I molded his clay after the First World War. USA-icon USAball and I brought him to life later. 
  • Philippines-icon Philippinesball - His son adopted grandson from USA-icon USAball. Somewhat annoyed at his usage of American English though it brings a joy in his old heart once he found out that Phil is secretly into world conquer. ALSO STOP RUINING MY SON HONG KONG'S ECONOMY AND HDI!!!!
  • Australia-icon Australiaball - He's the delinquent son that was always kind of insane (like the time he went to war with emus and lost), but still makes a good living. Also, the son who gives him more grandchildren... sweet heavens why!?!?
  • Papua New Guinea-icon Papua New Guineaball - His adopted son now grandson via Australia-icon Australiaball... It's complicated. He hopes the boy won't grow into another Australia and often tells the young country of his empire days during storytime with Grandpa UK. The lad was his at the same time Germany.
  • New Zealand-icon New Zealandball - My youngest daughter who loves sheepshagging and may or may not have a secret relationship with Wales- ASDFGHJKL!!! Sometimes I get her confused with Australia-icon Australia but don't tell her I said that! (though their accents sound different) She actually was the first to climb to the top of Mt Everest for me. Oh, and my daughter needs to cut down those damn sheep of her as they fart... A LOT.
  • Germany-icon Germanyball - Brother and friend. We've had a complicated past but he's great to have a beer with nowadays. He's both obscenely wealthy, and France-icon Franceball's current husband. They're both parents of EU-icon EUball.
  • Saudi Arabia-icon Saudi Arabiaball - I have no idea why I like him. Ah yes, the oil. REMOVE KEBAB!
  • Netherlands-icon Netherlandsball - We both have the English Channel... Kind of... Also my brother.
  • Belgium-icon Belgiumball - I protected this nephew with his life against Reichtangle (Also known as Anschluss attempt I). But he humiliated me twice in Fifa 2018... He is strong (especially in football).
  • Pakistan-icon Pakistanball - Okay, but stay away from me... And stop changing my great culture! My full-time taxi driver. Why did I even adopt you??
  • Egypt-icon Egyptball - Although, he's kind of insane right now. Now gimme the Suez Canal back.
  • South Africa-icon South Africaball - Also kind of insane, right now. They still hate us for the concentration camps, but they're okay. The high off of the BRICS must be getting to him. BUT HE DIDN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! JUST FOLLOW THE CROWN!
  • India-icon Indiaball - He used to be my crown jewel but HOW DARE YOU DEFY THE CROWN! But they give tea (unlike stupid China) and curry to us! He is my doctor, my accountant, my convenience shop owner, and a part-time taxi driver! Sorry for the massacres... and also the famine... and also the wars, I guess... Now I support him for UNSC. But for the Queen's sake, son! Stop bitching about the diamond! I'M NOT GIVING KOH-I-NOOR BACK!
  • Brazil-icon Brazilball - The son of Portugalball. We have found a Argentina-icon common enemy, but he also happens to be a football rival. You're welcome to inventing football, he was one of my best friends when he was an empire, but in 1865 we had a difficult situation, but now we are ok and friends by the way!
  • Mexico-icon Mexicoball - The son of Spain. This boy is good at making tacos, hats for royal people and more exotic delicious food. And he hates Argentinaball too, so that's a bonus.
  • South Korea-icon South Koreaball - The good one, helped her in the Korean War. She is also my USA-icon Proudest Son's girlfriend (Give me more grandkids).
  • Ireland-icon Irelandball - Well, I can give you some credit for helping in the World Wars! 
  • Chile-icon Chileball - He is my bastard son friend of the end of the world. Thank you for supporting me in the Falklands War.
  • Zanzibar-icon Zanzibarball - I adopted him, and he's also the birthplace of Freddie Mercury.
  • DickRhino-icon Swedenball - We're so good friends that even in war we don't fight each other. Swedenball also builds a lot of my furniture nowadays
  • Malaysia-icon Malaysiaball - Good son, very good chef and a half brother to Indonesia-icon Indonesiaball.

    Britainball's family (modelled after Argentinaball's family)

  • UAE-icon UAEball - Sort of, and a good adopted son in the Middle East, he doesn't like my culture. I kinda want his money and gold.
  • Singapore-icon Tringapore - Also very good chef, ex-adoptive son and used to provide lots of money for me. I am so proud of his accomplishments through what eludes me is his abhorrence to bubble gum.
  • Ghana-icon Ghanaball - An African son of mine. You made a fine ol' song, my boy! Quite catchy, I'd say! When I do die, can you set up the coffin dance at my funeral? I heard it's something.
  • EU-icon EUball - I know we have the whole Brexit thing going on but we could at least have a good trade deal... right? I'm also trying to get a Brexit do-over but my prime minister won't comply. Wait... You're banning memes?! You know what? Fuck you, you and your bloody taxes, your bollocks of that meme ban and your munter empire.
  • Nigeria-icon Nigeriaball - Another African son of mine. He's having internal problems but I know he'll get through it. Also, what the hell is wrong with your dramatic tv shows you have there?! Remove them this instant
  •  Thailand-icon Thailandball -Thailand and UK are best friends and do you remember Bowring treat we are a good memory and we have a monarch I like your queen.
  • Kuwait-icon Kuwaitball Another one of my middle eastern sons independent since 1961
  • Ethiopia-icon Ethiopiaball- Former enemy that I failed to recive as a colony during the African Scramble. But I really like his injera (You say you are the creator of coffee! HOW DARE YOU CREATE A VILE THING)  anyways, helped him stay as an Independent African nation during world war 2, and now helping him out from  his toxic famine commie reighn. YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE QUEEN THOUGH!! BRING ABYSSINIAN MONACY BACK!!! But we are still friends
  • Taiwan-icon Taiwanball - I don't recognize you but we have common enemies of Copycat Tea! And I like your Bubble Tea! But my actual Tea is better! Thank you for supporting my son! REAL CHINA!!! 


  • Belarus-icon Bulba - Oi you Russian girlfriend or whatever the hell you are, what's with your anger towards me eh? Do you need some tea to calm your trousers down? Yes, I have evidence that your so-called "boyfriend" used nerve agents on my streets. Whatever Lukashenko wants to do to me, just for your information, me, Canada, USA, and many others will retaliate. Stay out of this, please. I mean, just get the hell out of my way before I spill the tea on you (She likes potatoes though, but she's still a vodka puppet).
  • Guyana-icon Guyanaball - Thanks for forgiving me son, and again, sorry about 1953, just don't remember that, okay?
  • Inuit-icon Inuitball - They won't give me the northwest passage but thanks for not killing my men.
  • Mauritius-icon Mauritiusball - One of my strongest sons from the Indian Ocean. Until he doesn't make me let the BIOT go. HE DOESN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! JUST FOLLOW THE DANG CROWN!
  • Scotland-icon Scotlandball - Please don't leave me! Wait, you don't want to? Ok. Don't worry, I'll find a way to relax Brexit.
  • Peru-icon Peruball - Sort of like. He's dreaming to be like Japan and he thinks me and my children will die |:|
  • Cyprus-icon Cyprusball - He's the other bad son. Well, kind of. Sort of. HE DOESN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! Also, a madman who cannot into making me let Akrotiri and Dhekelia go. But my people love to visit it, we need to get out of the bloody weather after all (that's why I need to revive the empire!), so ugh, I'll be on terms with you.
  • Iraq-icon Iraqball - Son who likes tea. But never forget 1991, but you are ok now. 2003 BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!?
  • Uganda-icon Ugandaball - An adopted son from Africa who hates homosexuals in which I disapprove. Err... your films are... quite special...?
  • Mongolia-icon Mongoliaball - He's good, but he was my worst enemy ever since he was the Mongol Empire. Oh, and he has an embassy in London.
  • Japan-icon Japanball - He likes tea like us. Different kind though and we had an alliance back then. Also, thank you for making me the next Pokémon region! BUT WHY DID YOU KILL MY SON? "WHALE" is not "WALES"!
  • South Sudan-icon South Sudanball. You must be Sudan-iconSudan’s son! I’m your grandfather. (Also, I heard that Sudan was the real oil thief... you might want to consider changing your status for the USA, he can't buy your oil...)
  • England-icon Englandball - Stop complaining about having no parliament.
  • Armenia-icon Armeniaball - You are a good friend of mine but I don't recognise the Armenian Genocide because you're a bloody puppet of Russia. And please don't destroy my environment.
  • Wales-icon Walesball - If you are doing what I think you are doing with my daughter...
  • Northern Ireland-icon Northern Irelandball - Stop trying to reunite with Ireland-icon the other Ireland! Oh wait, you don't want to. Or you do. Make up your mind, son! Also, learn English.
  • Ireland-icon Irelandball - Oh, come on, let's reunificate together! No hard borders and go to each other!


  • Corona-Virus - Oh you stinkin' little virus. You're hurting my tourism! Stay away from me China!!!!!
  • Argentina-icon Argentinaball - IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE FUCKING FALKLANDS ALONE I SWEAR I WILL BLOODY INVADE YOU AND MAKE YOU A COLONY OF MY NEW AND IMPROVED BRITISH EMPIRE YOU BLOODY MADMAN!!!!! I... I mean... just stay the bloody fuck away. And Scotland has a point, you gave shame to the Falkland's name.
  • Guatemala-icon Guatemalaball - A mischief madman who cannot stop me from protecting Belize-icon Belize.
  • Iran-icon Iranball - Psychopathic madman who loves making threats towards my son and cannot stop being nuclear, he has problems.
  • Sealand-icon Sealandball - My rightful fort (actually I'm about to recognise you, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE. It's embarrassing!).
  • Zimbabwe-icon Zimbabweball - I should of just annex you. You cannot run youself correctly!! Your not followign the QUEEN!!!!
  • North Korea-icon North Koreaball - STOP TRYING TO HACK OUR HOSPITALS WITH RANSOMWARE!! WE HAD TO RESORT TO WRITING IMPORTANT PAPERS INSTEAD OF TYPING THEM, BECAUSE OF YOU (thankfully, I so happened to stop your attack, by accident)!!! The bad one who thinks it's best. A good amount of my men lost their lives because of you and China-icon China during your war. ALSO, STOP TALKING ABOUT NUKES!! REMOVE KIM FAMILY!!!
  • Syria-icon Syriaball - Fix your barbaric excuse for a country Allah worshipping weirdos, also remove kebab, Assad. But he hates ISIS-icon ISISball.
  • ISIS-icon ISISball - Now listen here, you jihad kebabface. You've gone far enough. Mass genocide, beheading my men, murdering innocent people, pillaging towns, driving over people, and killing police all in the name of Allah and for a stupid bloody disgrace of a misinterpretation of your beliefs that even fucking Al-Qaeda think you're too bloody violent and now you ATTACKED MY LITTLE Canada-icon SON! You want to please Allah, please, let me fucking help with pleasing your God, you JIHAD LOVING WANKSTAINS! REMOVE TERRORISTS!!!
  • Romania-icon Romaniaball and Bulgaria-icon Bulgariaball - STOP STEALING MY JOBS AND ANNOYING ME YOU MORONS! AND FOLLOW THE CROWN, BECAUSE, IF YOU DON'T, I WILL INVADE YOU!!! THAT'S WHY Poland-icon Poland IS MY PLUMBER AND NOT YOU!! (I'm also not sure if Romania is a vampire or not)
  • Northern Cyprus-icon Northern Cyprusball - Stop messing with Cyprus, meh, I don't really care if he (Cyprus) doesn't worship the crown...
  • Nazi-icon Naziball - Cannot cross the channel. Heh. I'm glad he never invaded me.




  • Ruling the waves.
  • Sipping tea, A LOT of tea.
  • Evacuating all of London when a snowflake hits the ground.
  • Stabbing people.
  • In antiquity - Delivering rapid musket volleys to the poor enemies he faces (often Franceball, and Earthball) then charging in with bayonets.
  • In antiquity - Maintaining the largest and best navy in the world (this enabled UKball to rule the waves).
  • Stabbing more people.
  • Owning Akrotiri and Dhekelia-icon Akrotiri and Dhekelia (Cyprus-icon Cyprusball doesn't know what I'm talking about).
  • Owning the British Indian Ocean Territory-icon Chagos Archipelago (Mauritius-icon Mauritiusball and Seychelles-icon Seychellesball don't know what I'm talking about).
  • Owning the Falklands-icon Falklands (Argentina-icon Argentinaball doesn't know what I'm talking about, even though France-icon Franceball colonised it first).
  • Owning Gibraltar-icon Gibraltar (Spain-icon Spainball doesn't know what I'm talking about).
  • Free healthcare (Obamacare as others would like to call it).
  • Wearing kilts.
  • Stabbing more people.
  • Wearing top hats. with Scotland-icon Scotland
  • Leaving the EU-icon EU (and hating to do it).
  • Drinking beer.
  • removing kebab.
  • Getting drunk

How to draw

This is how to draw UKball:

  1. Draw the typical circle with a blue background.
  2. Draw a white cross like this: (--|--)
  3. Draw another white cross like this: (><)
  4. Repeat steps 2 and 3, but with less wide lines and in red.
  5. Draw a black top hat
  6. Draw the eyes and a monocle and you've finished!