— James Thomson
|“||Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.||”|
— Winston Churchill
|“||F*ck you European Union, Tally ho you f*cking pr*cks...||”|
— Brexit Song
UKball, also known as Britainball, is a sovereign state and a unitary parliamentary constitutional monarchy in Western Europe. He is made up of four combined countryballs in the islands of Great Britain and Ireland, sharing a border with Irelandball, giving him an area of (93,600 sq mi) and a mild seasonal climate. His capital and largest city is Londonball. He is the third most populous countryball in the EU behind Germanyball and Franceball, and is the sixth most popular human migration destination.
While not only a member of NATO and EU (not for long though), he also works for the G20 (or Group of Twenty), a club that has the world's 19 largest economies plus the EUball. This also applies for G7, which he works alongside USAball, Canadaball, Germanyball, Italyball, Franceball, and Japanball.
UK is often seen as a former superpower on the world stage. The British Empire was the largest empire in all of human history. Even today, he still has significant influence, as he is the leading "soft power" and runs an organisation of nearly all of his former colonies called the Commonwealth and is a permanent member of the UN Security Council. Though the empire has dissolved, he loves to remember that he once dominated a very large part of the world, Rule Britannia!
Englandball and Scotlandball were born as Celticballs a long, long time ago (despite this Scotlandball claims that Englandball was a Germanic). There were many Celticballs, such as Iceniball, and they built things like Stonehenge and lived in stone, wooden or wattle-and-daub (mud) roundhouses.
SPQRball arrived in 46 AD from continental Europe, having taken over their sister Gaulball (the mother of Franceball). By 59 AD, Iceniball was getting tired of SPQR's despotism, and launched a rebellion with all the other Celticballs against SPQRball, winning a few times.
However, SPQRball's superior tactics and weaponry saw him triumph in the end, and after that, SPQRball used more gentle methods to civilise the Celticballs, and introduced Roman ways, founding the City of Londinium, and introducing coins, laws, and other things from Rome, making the Celticball's home into the Roman province of Britannia.
However, SPQRball grew weak and corrupt as the years went by, and by 410 AD, he had been defeated in battles by the barbarian Germanics, who sacked Rome numerous times in the 5th century AD and took much of his clay. SPQR withdrew from Britannia, and returned to Rome, where he died in 476 AD.
Once again, the Celticballs entered a dark age without civilisation. Pictsballs from Scotlandball tried to invade, having proven Hadrian's Wall was no match for them, and Walesball was also getting uppity.
In the 7th century AD, though, Saxonballs, Jutes and Angleballs (descendants of the Germanics) from Germany migrated across the North Sea to Britain, and set up their homes there, becoming Angle-Saxons, and naming the land 'Angle-Land' (or, England).
They lived in peace for about a hundred years, building dykes in Walesball and forming Kingdom of Merciaball until the Vikings from Scandinavia arrived and found the Saxons' monasteries easy targets for raids.
They kept harassing the various kingdoms of Saxonballs, such as Kingdom of Wessexball, who took advantage of his alliance with Neustriaball in Franciaball and her technical progress and who held back the Vikings.
By 1016, however, Denmarkball had become ruler of England. His rule lasted until the mid 11th century, when Englandball became independent when Saxonball was chosen to succeed the throne in 1042 due to Vikingball's absence. Saxonball ruled until 1066, defeating the Vikingballs for one last time at Stanford Bridge, before being killed by Normandyball, who invaded in 1066, at the Battle of Hastings.
After 1066, Normandyball set about stamping out all resistance to his rule in England. He defeated some rebels at the Battle of Ely Island, and also conquered places like Sicily. He compiled the first modern census of Englandball, the Doomsday Book in 1087, and bought French influence to Englandball, who had Germanic roots. Meanwhile, the celtic Scotlandball was ruling himself.
In 1140, a civil war broke out in Englandball's head. His brief period of madness ended in the 1150s, and returned to building castles such as Windsor across his clay. He was very weak at this point, even though the Vikingballs had stopped their raiding parties there.
They succeeded the first time, then went back to fighting each other until the mid 13th century, when another series of crusades were called. This time, it didn't go so well, and the Christian European balls were defeated by the Muslims.
Englandball and Franceball also fought each other occasionally, with Franceball occupying London once and Englandball invading continental France. The Celtic Walesball was conquered by him in 1272. He also fought with his northern Celtic neighbour Scotlandball eternal ally of Franceball, occupying his clay, until Scotlandball rose up against him in 1297, with the battle of Stirling Bridge being decisive, and humiliating them. However, Englandball triumphed in the end, and Scotlandball was demoted to the status of secondary power.
In 1301, another brief civil war started, but soon Englandball was over it, and invaded and raid his rival clay once more, beginning the Hundred Years' War with her in 1337. He defeated her with Walesball's help at Crecy in 1347, and Poitiers in 1356, refusing the loyal fights of the French knights to kill them at a distance, humiliating Franceball again as his ally Burgundyball marched in to help occupy Parisball.
In the 1380s, however, a longer civil war broke out in Englandball's clay, just as the Black Death was sweeping through Europe. By the 15th century, he had written great works of literature, such as the Cantebury tales, which would survive the Dark Ages.
He had also occupied a lot of Ireland, defeating the local Ulsterballs. In 1415, despite failing to take Mont-Saint-Micheal, he won his most decisive battle with Franceball at Agincourt, letting the French knights sink into the mud and killing them away, as before.
Franceball, however, had a trick up her sleeve, and managed to defeat him at Orleansball in 1429, and enter Parisball. However, her luck ran out at the end of 1430, and Burgundyball captured the secret to her success in 1431 and sold it to Englandball who burned it as a witchcraft.
However, Franceball who loved her new game to crush the Englandball soldiers, built new regiments of powder artillery to fight at distance (as preferred Englandball with his archery) and recovered all her clay in a few seasons (except Calais city) by 1453. Understanding that Englandball will never learn to cook correctly and prefers Bordeauxball's wine to him, Burgundyball had abandoned him like a dirty sock towards the end of the Hundred Years' War, crystallizing a painful feeling of cultural inferiority for Englandball towards Franceball.
A last attempt to land in Franceball, terminated pitiably by a reception of french artillery and a charge of the Breton chivalry at Formigny in Normandyball (1450), and, three years later another crush in Castillon near Bordeauxball identically. The Hundred Years' War was in fact over. A kind of cold war begun between Burgundyball and Franceball who both passed to Renaissance but Englandball stayed neutral.
In the 1470s, he experienced a long period of fear called the Wars of the Roses, which saw his agrarian infrastructure mostly destroyed in battles across the countryside. By 1480, however, the Whites had won the Wars. But in 1485, Walesball contributed to helping kick out the Whites in Englandball's brain, and established a new Welsh dynasty in England's clay that year.
Exploration and Expansion (1485-1603)
By 1500, Englandball had advanced a lot, but was still far behind many other European countries, in particular those in Italyball and Franceball who had begun the Renaissance, and Spainball, with his massive golden New World empire. He employed the best European things in his court, like music and the arts, but also continued his wars against Scotlandball in 1513, and Franceball in 1518, but briefly reconciled with his rival at the Field of the Cloth of Gold in 1520, after being athletically and culturally humiliated by her strange french king who didn't killed all the queens he had as it was funny for Englandball. Both rivals went back to fighting each other in 1545, when Englandball betrayed Franceball again and lost his last territories in the continent (Calais city).
He had also abandoned Catholicism in 1536/7 and sacked the monasteries that year, adopting Protestant Anglicanism as his official religion now. Also, he was going through internal turmoil in the 1550s, having developed a passion for burning and beheading. He harshly ruled his slave Irelandball (Kingdom of), and sent ships to explore the New World in 1565, with Virginia being claimed by him. He also had a few religious changes over these years.
Meanwhile, Scotland was going through turmoil as well. In the 1570s, he tried to take over Englandball's clay by assassinating him, but was caught and imprisoned until 1587. Englandball also began building himself a navy, as Spainball launched her Imperial Armada at him in 1588. However, a storm came and the invasion didn't succed and Englandball launched his armada to him too, but Spainball destroyed all of it. In the 1590s and 1600s, he wrote 37 classic plays. Walesball's turn to rule Englandball's clay ended in 1603, and Scotlandball took over running things, uniting the crowns of England and Scotland (monarchically, not politically yet).
In 1605, some anarchists tried to blow up Englandball's parliament. Their plot, however, failed, and in 1620, some of Englandball's most devout religious parts went to his new colonies in the New World on board a ship called the Mayflower. Things steadily got worse in Englandball's head as tensions escalated into another Civil War in 1642, with Parliamentarian rebels victorious at Marston Moor in 1644, and the Battle of Naesby, in 1645, won the war for them. By 1647, the English Civil War had turned against the Royalists, and in 1649, Englandball executed his crown, and declared himself a commonwealth (a type of republic). He colonized Jamaica in the 1650s, and banned Christmas celebrations. However, despite the Second Civil War briefly instigated by Scotland in 1651 (who lost at the Battle of Worcester), it took until 1660 for the Commonwealth to fall. That year, England had a personality change, and became a monarchy again, albeit a constitutional one this time.
Englandball started forming alliances with European countries, after seeing Franceball expand eastwards in the 1670s and 1680s. He had a plague in 1665, followed by a fire in 1666, followed by an invasion of his clay by Dutchballs in 1667. So, he partook in the Nine Years War against Franceball. He became Catholic again in 1685, but then became protestant again in 1688, after his " Glorious Revolution" that year. He fought a brief (civil) war in Irelandball's clay in 1688-1691, but ultimately stayed Protestant after that. In the 1690s, Scotland tried to colonise in Panama, but the Darien Scheme failed, taking 1/5th of Scotland's economy down with it.
England, however, was having a much better time, having made scientific and artistic advances throughout the late 17th century. He discovered calculus and gravity in the 1660s and 1670s, and by 1700, was one of the great powers of the world. The War of the Spanish Succession in 1700 saw him in a giant coalition that win the war in 1704 against Franceball and Spainball who was in a civil war to impose the french Bourbon dinasty. Even without succeeding in penetrating Franceball's clay, the coalition prenvented the fusion of the two catholic balls and their giant colonial empires.
In 1714, the newly-formed UK embraced his Germanic roots again, and joined in a semi-monarchic union with Duchy of Hanoverball. By now he had lots of islands in the Carribean which he had won in various wars and exterminating some natives, as well as Gibraltarball taken from Spainball in 1709, and large possessions stretching from the Atlantic to the Appalachian Mountains in North America. His son Thirteen Coloniesball looked after those for him. In 1715 UKball put down a Catholic uprising by a pro-Jacobite Scotlandball, this happened again in 1745.
By the 1730s, UKball had started to explore India as Portugalball and Franceball ever did, and had already conquered many Indian stateballs/rawrs' clay. He had also invented a semi-automated loom called the 'Spinning Jenny' in 1733, and by the mid/late-18th century, UKball was beginning to build large factories powered by a new invention of his, the steam engine, invented in 1765, which began the Industrial Revolution in Britain. He had set up the East India Company, which started a world international trading systems, in competition with the dutch and the French one, as well as participating in the War of the Austrian Succession in 1744-1748. He was massacred by Franceball at the Battle of Fontenoy with all his coalition, but got his revenge a few years later in the Seven Years' War (1754/56-1763).
UKball and his son Thirteen Coloniesball helped defeat Franceball's son New Franceball in the New World, deporting the French people of Acadiaball, kidnapping Quebecball in the process, and also kicked Franceball out of India, apart from Pondicherry and later Chandernagnore, when Franceball was busy against Prussiaball in Europe, despite of several defeats against the New-France's army and her native allies. By 1763, the battered Franceball sued for peace, losing almost all of her North American possessions to UKball. The war had cost her a lot, however, and UKball began imposing taxes on his son Thirteen Coloniesball to make him help pay for the war. UKball later repealed most of the acts, including the 1765 Stamp Act and the 1766 Quatering Act, but when he struck out at his son in 1770's Boston Massacre, tensions arose between father and son.
Thirteen Coloniesball dumped all of his father's East India Company tea into Boston Harbour in 1773, causing UKball to impose an armed curfew in his son's clay. In 1774, UKball declared his son's little brother Massachusettsball to be in a 'state of rebellion', and went over armed. By 1775, the American Revolution/Civil War started. UKball and Thirteen Coloniesball had clashed at Bunker Hill, Lexington and Concord, and an angry Thirteen Coloniesball, in 1776 wrote the Declaration of Independence, and declared himself independent and now called himself USAball. Meanwhile UKball discovered and claimed Australiaball's clay and New Zealandball's clay for himself.
Throughout 1777, USAball was defeated by his stronger father, but as aid from his aunt Franceball came trickling in, he was able to defeat him at Saratoga Heights that year, and Franceball, desiring revenge against her rival, came to help actively in 1778, doubling the forces of the rebel army and paralizing the navy of UKball. Spainball and Dutch Republicball also came to help USAball with material giving. By 1781, UKball had been cornered at Yorktown, and he surrendered to Franceball and USAball, signing the Treaty of Parisball in 1783 to end the war of American Independence. He had been badly humiliated by his son, and had to give up the Ohio Territory to him as well. But, he soon had more important things to worry about, as in 1789, his rival, the bankrupt Franceball, had her Revolution, and became a constitutional monarchy, then a republic.
UKball and the other conservative, monarchist European empires formed a new giant coalition against Franceball, who defeated them in 1792, and again in 1794/5. She made a puppet state out of Dutch Republicball, attacked Papal Statesball in 1797 and tried to disrupt UKball's trade with his colonies in 1798 by landing in Egypt. However, UKball blew up her ships at Aboukir Bay, known also as the Battle of the Nile, and she was forced to abandon the plans after having build a new organisation in Egypt to withdraw it from English and Turkish influence. In 1800, UKball sent a fleet to Denmark-Norwayball, and Swedenball's clays, to persuade them not too enter the Northern League with Russian Empireball, which succeeded. He annexed Irelandball's clay in 1801 as well. UKball paid a new coalition (the Third one) who was defeated again by Franceball and ended in 1802 with the Peace Treaty of Amiens. However, UKball refused to leave Cape Colony to Batavian Republicball, and war resumed with his sister in 1805. He defeated her at Cape St. Vincent, then annihilated her navy at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805, escaping from an immediate invasion, winning control of the high seas. At the same time he sent a new coalition of Austrian Empireball and Russian Empireball to bash her on the continent but Franceball crushed it in the battle of Ulm, and after taking Viennaball, in Austerlitz. Denmark-Norwayball, having been attacked by UKball, joined Franceball in 1807/9, and by 1811 Franceball, after having kicked all the successives coalitions, ruled most of Europe. Meanwhile, UKball had his son British North Americaball (now Canadaball) burn down USAball's White House in 1814 during the war of 1812, due to a fight between the two siblings.
But then Franceball invaded Imperial Russiaball's clay in late-1812, winning at Borodino, but was forced to retreat from a burning Moscow when she was sick. She was defeated by the Sixth Coalition in 1813 at the Battle of Leipzig, and by June 1814, the Coalition forces were moving in on Paris; UKball had landed in Portugalball's clay (his ally since 1386) and helped Spainball kick out Franceball and Napoleonic (Kingdom of) Spainball, her son, there in the Peninsular Wars (1808-1814). Franceball sent her Bonapartist instincts to Elba, but they escaped, and in mid-1815, returned to Franceball's clay.
The Hundred Days Campaign, or the War of the Seventh Coalition, saw Kingdom of Prussiaball defeated at Les Quatre Bras by an instantly resurrected french Grande Armée, before the gathered Prussiaball's army, UKball and Dutch Republicball stepped in to help him at the Battle of Waterloo, where Franceball was defeated for good, and her Bonapartist instincts sent to UKball's estranged son St Helenaball's clay, where they died in 1821. UKball and Austrian Empireball set up the Congress of Vienna, to decide on the terms of the Treaty of Paris, and the Treaty of Kiel as well, sharing a new Europe in Great Empires to control Franceball.
After the reduction of the liberal Franceball, UKball emerged as the world's foremost power. He now had a massive overseas empire, and billions of pounds' worth in industrial and economic revenue. Some Corn Laws were introduced in 1816, during the famines of the Regency period, and saw the 1819 Peterloo massacre become a black mark on UKball's name. However, by 1825 UKball was once again on top of the world for real. He began a policy of abolitionism (anti-slavery), and was first to abolish the slave trade in 1807, then UKball freed his 8ball slaves in 1833. He now took on weak nations such as NepalRawr and Bhutanball, to expand his empire, and pushed the Boers in South Africa out of the Cape Colony and Beyound the Zambeze rivers. Tasmania was also colonized, and the native Australian Aboriginalsball hunted down almost to extinction (as well as them being killed by diseases like Smallpox and Measles). He also intervened in the Rio de la Plataball to create Uruguayball in 1825.
However, UKball's status was soon put to the test, as in 1839, his most profitable colony, India experienced troubles with the Afghanballs to the North-West. The East India Company's opium trade with Qing Chinaball had also just been cut off, and UKball beat up Qing China for Hong Kongball in 1841/2. He was no longer affiliated with Hanoverball, as in 1838 the royal union had been dissolved due to Hanoverball's Salic Laws. In 1843, UKball invaded Gwalioreball's clay in India, and began annexing the Indian State Rawrs. Punjabball was annexed formally in 1849, and the Xhosaballs in the Natal in South Africa were warred against too. UKball's cities grew and grew in the mid-19th century, as the Industrial Revolution attracted migration to London. However, Irelandball's potato famine in 1845 caused discontent in his mind. The Maori signed the Treaty of Waitangi with him in 1840 though, which made him happy.
During this time, Franceball - who understood that she had to be discret on the european chessboard- begun the building of a new giant empire in Asia, Pacific Ocean and Africa and strengthened her industrial strength with new inventions, returning to the race when countryballs thought she was annihilated. UKball signed pacts and treaties with his old enemies Franceball and USAball, giving him Caribou (the city) in the 1842 Webster-Abshurton Treaty.
However, right after hosting the Great Exhibition of 1851, he went to war with Franceball and Sardiniaball against Russian Empireball, who was being aggressive towards the declining Ottoman Empireball. Despite a beautiful victory under the French commandment at Sevastopol in Crimea, UKball suffered a bad defeat due to a military blunder at the Battle of Balaclava, in 1854, when he charged Russian artillery on horseback, and received quite a spanking. By 1856, after another Baltic expedition had been planned, the Treaty of Paris was signed to end the Crimean War, which had seen war photography and nursing hospitals introduced to war. UKball was soon again called to arms the following year when his Indian servants mutinied, and he had to step in to resolve the Indian mutiny of 1857-8, after which he annexed Awadhball's clay. The 1856 Arrow Incident also gave him an excuse to go to war with Qing Chinaball again, with Franceball, in 1860, when he burned down Qing Chinaball's Summer Palace, and got Kowloon for his adopted son Hong Kongball.
UKball also built a large sewer system at home, after the Great Stink of 1858, and introduced labour and welfare laws, including pensions, in the 1850s and 1860s. He did not interfere with USAball's Civil War, and instead made inventions like photography, steamships, and discovered Darwinian evolution. By 1871, however, the balance of power was dramatically shifted when two newly-unified nations appeared on the world stage - Italyball and German Empireball. As demands for Home Rule from the Irish and Scottish grew, he ignored them and fought the Zulu Wars of 1878-79 and the First Boer War of 1881 for the Empire. However, after an Egyptian campaign in 1882, UKball participated in the Berlin Conference, and during the Scramble for Africa, forcibly adopted many new African balls, such as Sokotoball, and Rhodesiaball. He got Cyprusball in 1878 following an incident with Ottoman Empireball.
In 1885 he led a campaign in Canada, and in 1892 formed the Labour party at home, after the Ripper murders of 1888. In 1890, he traded Heligolandball to Germanyball for custody of Zanzibarball, with whom he fought a 38-minute war with in 1896. He got machine guns and rifles for his new armies and fought the Mahdist Sudanballs at Omdurman in 1898, then Orangjeball and Transvaalball in the Second Boer War of 1899-1902. He also helped relieve the 1900 Siege of Peking, but was humiliated by the Boers at the Battle of Ladysmith and the Siege of Maefking in 1900. The Siege of Khartoum in 1898 also helped resolve the Fashoda crisis with his sister.
The new century dawned with UKball at the apex of his power, the largest, most powerful, and by far the wealthiest empire known in history. He sent an expedition to Tibet in 1903, and formed an Entente Cordiale with his former rival Franceball in 1904, and then with Russian Empireball in 1907, against the ever-growing threat of German Empireball, whom was now engaged in a naval-arms race with UKball over Dreadnoughts. The 1905 and 1911 Morocco crises drew the Entente closer together, and despite a 1902 Venezuelan dispute, UKball continued to maintain very good relations with USAball. As the disillusioned working class, and suffragettes, and Scotlandball and Irelandball demanding Home Rule all contributed towards the fractioning of Edwardian Britain, Serbiaball's assassination of Austria-Hungaryball's archduke led to the alliances of Europe dragging UKball and his associates into the Great War in 1914.
The Great War, the Jazz Age, and Another War (1914-1945)
German Empireball activated his Schliffen Plan in August 1914, and raped Belgiumball and Luxembourgball, whom UKball was bound by the 1839 Treaty of London to protect. So, UKball went to war, and landed in Franceball's clay, blocking German Empireball in the Race to the Sea, and ultimately ended up in the trenches with Canadaball, Australiaball, and New Zealandball against German Empireball. He had a brief Christmas truce in December 1914, then in 1915, saw the use of planes for both reconnaissance and bombing, airships, and poison gas in warfare. He got his sons Canadaball, Australiaball and New Zealandball to land in Ottoman Empireball's Gallipoli peninsula, but they were held back at Suvla Bay for a few months. Meanwhile, Egyptball, UKball's adoptive son, invaded Ottoman Palestine, and got the oppressed Arabballs to help revolt against Ottoman Empire ball in exchange for freedom and self-determination after the war. However, UKball and Franceball's 1917 Sykes-Picot Agreement made sure that did not happen. UKball and Franceball also captured German Empireball's other overseas colonies, such as German South-West Africaball, German East Africaball, German New Guineaball, and fought with him in the Falklands, and in the Indian Ocean. UKball's ally Japanball helped take Kiau Chau and German Samoaball.
By 1916, the war on the Western Front had reached a stalemate, and Franceball's Neuve-Chapelle offensive failed to break through. UKball fought at Jutland, and also introduced with Franceball tanks at the Battle of the Somme, but still the stalemate continued. In April 1916, Irelandball hosted an uprising in Dublin, and UKball went over to crush it, but it would be too ineffective. In March 1917, the DORA act was enforced strictly, and Russian Empireball had a revolution, and became a republic, but remained in the war until October, when he had another revolution. USAball, however, was sent the intercepted Zimmermann telegram by German Empireball to Mexicoball, and joined the Allies as a result. By March 1918, USAball had arrived in Europe, and Germanyball, after signing the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk, charged the Western Front in a last desperate attack, which failed, and German Empireball, after seeing his allies surrender, and starving due to UKball's naval blockade, signed the armistice at 11:11 a.m., 11 November 1918.
The following year, the 1919 Paris Peace Conference saw UKball and Franceball divide up German Empireball's colonies- UKball got German East Africaball, German New Guineaball, and his son South Africaball got German South-West Africaball. He also got Palestinecube, Transjordanball, and Iraqball from the Ottoman Empireball's clays. UKball and his sister carved up the German Empireball's clay in Europe as well- his son, Weimar Republicball, inherited an impoverished nation of strife and turmoil, as UKball demanded reparations of £6.6 billion. Despite the reparations, UKball still suffered from post-war austerity for the first few years of the 1920s, including being forced to concede defeat in Ireland in 1922, and giving Irelandball his freedom, as Irish Free Stateball (he kept Northern Irelandball), but he also discovered Tutankhamen's tomb in Egyptball's clay, as well as giving women the vote. League of Nationsball had just been created, of which UKball was a founding member of. He now turned to his son USAball for entertainment, and took home things like cocktails, and the Charleston. Despite a General Strike in 1926, the Empire and Homeland did well, until the global financial crash of 1929.
UKball, with his stock market plummeting, decided to listen to the Labour party in his head- he cut spending costs to the bone, and adopted a policy of 'Britain's problems first' in response to the growing threat of Nazi Germanyball and Imperial Japanball abroad. In 1931, the Statue of Westminster gave his sons Canadaball, Newfoundlandball, South Africaball, Australiaball, and New Zealandball de facto independence. British Rajball was also getting stroppy for independence. In 1935 he failed to help defend Abyssiniaball against the Fascist Italyball, and did nothing to stop Nazi Germanyball from remilitarising the Rhinelands in 1936, then anschlussing Austriaball in 1938. After Nazi Germanyball kidnapped Czechoslovakiaball, UKball and Franceball signed the Munich Agreement with Nazi Germanyball. But just as the 1933 Four Powers Pact, and the 1935 Stresa Front had failed, this agreement was overstepped by Nazi Germanyball in January 1939 when he annexed Czechoslovakiaball's clay. UKball began remilitarising, and in September 1939 declared war on Nazi Germanyball after he invaded Polandball's clay.
UKball and Franceball did nothing but wait behind the Maginot Line as Nazi Germanyball blitzkrieged through Polandball, Denmarkball, Norwayball (UKball did try to intervene here, but failed at Narvik), Netherlandsball, Belgiumball (again), and Luxembourgball. Franceball's clay was invaded in June 1940, she buit a defensive line in a kamikaze operation in Dunkirk and sacrified some troops to cause enormous damages to german forces before surender and let intact UKball's army clear out to continue the war. UKball jumped in Englandball after being raped by Nazi Germanyball, who then began a battle for air supremacy with UKball's RAF against his weakened by Franceball Luftwaffe in the skies. After Franceball was divided between Free Franceball (fighting with Englandball) and Vichy Franceball (begining a collaboration with the enemy) Nazi Germanyball then switched to trying to bomb UKball into submission. UKball survived the blitz, and began assembling convoys to help protect merchant and supply shipping from his son, sending supplies to him from across the Atlantic. He was helpless as Nazi Germanyball sunk some of his best ships, and took out his naval base at Crete, but was able to decipher his Enigma codes from mid-1941 onwards, thanks to Bletchley Park.
After Nazi Germanyball's invasion of Soviet Unionball in June 1941, and Imperial Japanball's bombing of USAball's Pearl harbour naval base, UKball gained two major allies in the war. The following days saw Imperial Japanball attack UKball's colonies in East Asia, such as British Hong Kongball, Malayaball, Sawarakball, British North Borneoball, and British Tringapore, which was poorly protected from land- Japan just rode a bike through the dense jungle. By mid-1942, British Burmaball had also fallen, as had New Guineaball, and Australiaball's clay was being bombed. After the Battle of the Coral Sea, the tide began to turn for the ANZAC forces. Meanwhile, UKball was diverting food away from British Indiaball to help sustain the war effort, causing a famine for British Indiaball. After Free Franceball slowed the german and italian advance down at the defensive battle of Bir Hakeim in North Africa, UKball defeated Nazi Germanyball at the second battle of El Alamein, and with USAball's help drove Nazi Germanyball back into Sicily, which was invaded in early 1943.
Meanwhile, the battle of Imphal halted Japanball's rampage in South-Eastern Asia, and as the Allies pushed up Italyball's clay, Italyball had a personality change, and became non-fascist after the 25 Luglio coup. Italian Socialist Republicball continued fighting the Allies though, who landed in Monte Cassio, then in the South of Franceball's clay in Operation Dragoon. On the morning of 6th June 1944, USAball, UKball, and Canadaball stormed five beaches in Normandy, liberating Caen, then allowed Free Franceball to take Parisball back in September 1944. Instantly, Free Franceball resurrected a strong army as she did in 1815 to give a decisive boost to the strikes on the western front. UKball and Co. pushed on into the Ardennes, winning the Battle of the Bulge, and surviving the V-1 and V-2 rocket assaults, and liberating the Low Countries, pushing onwards into the heartland of Nazi Germanyball itself. UKball's RAF bombed Nazi Germanyball's cities even more heavily than his had been, vapourising Dresden and Hamburg. As the allies closed in on Berlin in Feburary to April of 1945, Nazi Germanyball committed suicide, ending the war in Europe with the surrender on 8th May 1945 (V-E Day). Imperial Japanball surrendered a few months later, on the 3rd of September 1945 (V-J Day), after two atom bombs had been dropped on his cities by USAball, ending the Second World War altogether.
After the Wars- Reconstruction, Cold War, Thatcherism
After World War II, UKball was broke, but he wanted to take advantage on his current troop's position. He tried to keep Syriaball and Lebanonball's clay who were under Franceball's protection but gave up fighting his ally, having already suffered damage on his part in Senegalball's clay during the war and knowing the risks. The billion-dollar debt to USAball had to be paid back in full, and there was the cost of re-building. However, the colonies were now demanding their self-determination. In 1947, following a proposed partition plan by the newly-created UNball, successor to League of Nationsball, of which UKball was a permanent Security Council member, Indiaball (and Pakistanball, and East Pakistanball) all became independent. Malayaball followed with a communist insurgency in 1948, and Palestine went to the UN, only to be partitioned with the Jewcubes who had survived the Holocaust that year too (although the peacefulness of this partition is debatable) and independence was also granted to Burmaball. Canadaball absorbed Newfoundlandball in 1949, just as a new Cold War era was looming over the horizon. With USAball and Sovietball both now possessing weapons of mass destruction, UKball was no longer a true superpower. Unlike his rival, rather than fight costly colonial wars, he just let his colonies go. Gold Coastball left in 1958, Nigeriaball in 1959, Egyptball kicked UKball out of his clay following the 1956 Suez Crisis, and Sudanball did so after the condominium of 1898 expired in 1958, Kenyaball and Tanzaniaball in 1961/2, Rhodesiaballs in the early 1960s, Gambiaball and Sierra Leoneball in 1962, and Adenball in 1959. Cyprusball left in 1960, but UKball kept two military bases on the island. He fought in Korea in 1950-53 as well.
In the 1970s, UKball developed punk rock, and despite the oil crisis of 1973, and the power shortages during the 1978-79 winter of discontent, UKball's resolve stood firm. He embraced Thatcherism in 1979, despite Scotlandball's renewed calls for independence, rejecting his 1979 referendum, and using his oil (from the McCrone report). The SNP was not pleased, and in 1982, when Argentinaball tried to invade Falklandsball's clay, the now workaholic UKball went to war sending a large naval Task Force (assembled in Portsmouthball, a cityball of UKball), winning over Argentinaball decisively. His Thatcherism saw the mines closed, and the stock markets crisis, apart from in 1987, when Black Monday hit. By 1989, as the Iron Curtain fell, UKball had become a 'modern' state- advanced in technology, yet retaining it's culture. Even through the 1990s, as the economy became unstable, and Scotlandball, Northern Irelandball, and Walesball each received their own parliaments, UKball stood firm, and with a lot of dignity gave up Hong Kongball, his last colonial possession, to the communist PRC. As UKball entered the new millennium, he helped remove the Y2K bug as well.
UKball was involved in the Second Gulf War coalition in 2003, and he fought in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria between 2007 and 2015. UKball is no longer quite as powerful as he used to be (though still proving that size isn't everything), but after the 2005 terrorist attacks left him reeling, UKball now has one of the best security systems in the world, and is one to the world's most advance nations. He now continues to rule, despite a close 2014/5 Scottish independence referendum vote.
On June 24, 2016, UKball left EUball, as he did not like being told what to do, giving birth to a secret joy in the heart of Franceball who prophezy it and was waiting for it to transform the Union. Anyway, this led to Germanyball & other EU countries trying to convince him to stay, much to UKball's disgust. Negotiations to fully leave are currently underway but now Scotlandball and Northern Ireland are contemplating independence from UKball so that they can remain in EUball. On June, 8th, 2017 he had a election which Theresa May won, but there was a hung parliment. When he made the decision he was half asleep and didn't really know what was going on. When he woke up and learned what he had done, he panicked and tried to get a do over. He still hasn't got one and now is beginning to hate his Prime minister for refusing to give one.
On 19th May 2018, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle got married. UK ball celebrated this special day
He loves Tea
(a bit too much, as he panics when he runs out), Fish & Chips, Football, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Top Hats, Monocles, Canes, Scotch Whisky, Pork, Sexual Repression, Stiff Upper Lip, and World Domination.
Nowadays, UKball experiences heavy nostalgia for his old empire like Russiaball, back when he really ruled the waves (still does, but not as much) but he along with others is planning space exploration and will rebuild the empire there (Britannia rule the stars?).
Has a friendly rivalry with estranged son USAball (Although sometimes slightly annoyed by his arrogance) and Germanyball, who is UKball's other favourite European friend alongside the likes of Belgiumball. Kicked Franceball's arse with the likes of Reichtangle, although these days they are friends. Currently doesn't like Spainball as they pretend they are strong and can take Gibraltarball, same with Argentinaball and Malvinasball (Malvinas? What the bloody hell is that?).
Nations within UKball
UKball is a combined kingdom of three different nations, and one province:
- Englandball - The main ball of UK, he is the leader of the three, holding both the British Monarchy & Parliament. (in some comics, Englandball is synonymous with the whole UK, while in others its the exact opposite) His old Imperial self loves conquest, roast beef, and tea. His modern Chav self loves Rock & Roll, anarchy, football, and speaking in crude English (u wot m8?! I'll bash ur fookin head, swear on me mum). He is now upset that he has no government like the other countries in the UK do.
- Scotlandball - The northern neighbor of Englandball, he loves bagpipes, claymores, and FREEDOM. He still cannot into independence. He is sometimes found under UKball's tophat. After leaving the EU he wants to leave more and more by the minute from Englandball (not really any more). He is very often seen arguing with England.
- Walesball - West of Englandball, Walesball is the brother of Scotlandball and the origin of mediaeval England's longbow, which helped them kick Franceball's arse some times. Still loves molesting sheep today.
- Northern Irelandball - Once upon a time, all of Irelandball was part of the UK. But after he rebelled in 1916, Ireland was split into two, with the north side ( Ulsterball being split himself) remaining loyal to UKball. He is of Protestant faith, unlike his Catholic neighbour down south. Unfortunately, he is also quite retarded (gib fleg).
Counties of England
- Bedfordshireball -
- Berkshireball -
- Bristolball -
- Buckinghamshireball -
- Cambridgeshireball -
- Cheshireball -
- Cornwallball -
- Isles of Scillyball -
- Cumbriaball -
- Derbyshireball -
- Devonball -
- Dorsetball -
- Durhamball -
- East Sussexball -
- Essexball -
- Gloucestershireball -
- Greater Londonball - Brian May
- Greater Manchesterball -
- Hampshireball -
- Herefordshireball -
- Hertfordshireball -
- Isle of Wightball -
- Kentball -
- Lancashireball -
- Leicestershireball - John Deacon
- Lincolnshireball -
- Merseysideball -
- Norfolkball - Roger Taylor
- Northamptonshireball -
- Northumberlandball -
- Nottinghamshireball -
- Oxfordshireball -
- Rutlandball -
- Shropshireball -
- Somersetball -
- Staffordshireball -
- Suffolkball -
- Surreyball -
- Tyne and Wearball -
- Warwickshireball -
- West Midlandsball -
- West Sussexball -
- Wiltshireball -
- Worcestershireball -
- Yorkshireball -
|Resolution Blue||0, 31, 126||C100-M75-Y0-K51||#001F7E|
|White||255, 255, 255||N/A||#FFFFFF|
|Philippine Red||208, 12, 39||C0-M94-Y81-K18||#D00C27|
- Portugalball - My oldest ally and best mate, if I were Sherlock Holmes, he would be my Wattson, but unfortunately we don't talk a lot with each other. One of these days we'll get together to play a football game and then drink in a pub. I also tip my hat to you for stopping that tosser Dr ACactivism during my dear SuRie's performance at Eurovision 2018 before things got worse, cheers!
- Franceball - Former rival and ex-wife, now married to Germanyball. Once I went to war with her and ended up having one of the best nights of my life (and Canada was born after that... a long story to tell here) Say, she could be what Japanball calls Tsundere (once she calls me Rosbif). She used to own the Falklands (or Malouines in her language) at first by the way. She's kind of mad that I won her Tour de France bicycle race so many times in the 2010s (4 of them with the same rider). She brags that her La Francophonie has more countries in it than my Commonwealth, even though the Commonwealth is still bigger if you only count true members. She blasted Croatia in Fifa which surprised me. Pogba and Mbappe is too good.
- Croatiaball - A great Slavic mate who also beat me in the world cup this year. At least you're good at football!
- Spainball - We've had a complicated relationship, but nowadays we're both allies in NATO, but I dislike four of her sons. And Gibraltar is still mine! Once I went to war with her and I sank her Spanish Armada (And after that the USA was born... buuuuttt this also a long story to tell here)!!!
- Canadaball - He's the good son, loyally following the crown and being there when I need him. He was granted a peaceful independence, unlike my other son, USAball. Thanks for expelling four of Russiaball's spies! Love you son. I will defend you from Chinaball! Meng Wanzhou deserves to be kept under your control! Yuo are the best 99/100
- USAball - He's my eldest (but not the biggest) and most proudest son. Well, kind of. But he did support me in my time of need, and now the two of us fight kebabs together as father and son. He makes me proud and he's even gotten bigger and stronger than me! Well done son! But he still needs to lose that damn weight of his and for the love of the Queen will you please stop butchering my bloody accent and English! And would it kill you to convert to the metric system? And why do you always have to try to outdo me? Just because I voted Brexit it didn't mean you had to elect Trump! He is still the son that takes after me the most, however. Plus, stop mutilating your son's willies! And stop destroying the minds of British children with fanboyish shows! By the way, Thanks for expelling 60 of Russiaball's spies, much appreciated son!
- Israelcube - He's cute. I moulded his clay after the First World War. USAball and I brought him to life later.
- Philippinesball - His
sonadopted grandson from USAball. Somewhat annoyed at his usage of American English though it brings a joy in his old heart once he found out that Phil is secretly into world conquer.
- Australiaball - He's the delinquent son that was always kind of insane, but still makes a good living. Also the son who gives him more grandchildren... sweet heavens why!?!?
- Papua New Guineaball - His adopted son now grandson via Australiaball... It's complicated. He hopes the boy won't grow into another Australia and often tells the young country of his empire days during story time with Grandpa UK. The lad was his at the same time Germany.
- New Zealandball - My youngest son who loves sheepshagging and may or may not have a secret relationship with Wales- ASDFGHJKL!!! Sometimes I get him confused with Australia but don't tell him I said that! (though their accents sound different) He actually was the first to climb to the top of Mt Everest for me. Oh and my son needs to cut down those damn sheep of his as they fart... A LOT.
- Germanyball - Brother and friend. We've had a complicated past but he's great to have a beer with nowadays. He's both obscenely wealthy, and Franceball's current husband. They're both parents of EUball.
- Saudi Arabiaball - I have no idea why I like him. Ah yes, the oil.
- Netherlandsball - We both have the English Channel... Kind of... Also my brother.
- Belgiumball - I protected this nephew with his life against Reichtangle (Also known as Anschluss attempt I). But he humilated me twice in Fifa 2018.. He is strong (especially in football).
- Pakistanball - Okay, but stay away from me... And stop changing my great culture! My full time taxi driver. Why did I even adopt you??
- Egyptball - Although, he's kind of insane right now.
Now gimme the Suez Canal back.
- South Africaball - Also kind of insane, right now. They still hate us for the concentration camps, but they're okay. The high off of the BRICS must be getting to him. BUT HE DIDN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! JUST FOLLOW THE CROWN!
- Indiaball - He used to be my crown jewel but HOW DARE YOU DEFY THE CROWN! But they give tea (unlike stupid China) and curry to us! He is my doctor, my accountant, my convenience shop owner and part time taxi driver! Sorry for the massacres... and also the famine... and also the wars, I guess... Now I support him for UNSC. But for the Queen's sake, son! Stop bitching about the diamond! I'M NOT GIVING KOH-I-NOOR BACK!
- Brazilball - The son of Portugalball. We have found a common enemy, but he also happens to be a football rival. You're welcome for inventing football, he was one of my best friends when he was a empire, but in 1865 we had difficult situation, but now we are ok and friends by the way!
- Mexicoball - The son of Spain. This boy is good at making tacos, hats for royal people and more exotic delicious food. And he hates Argentinaball too, so that's a bonus.
- South Koreaball - The good one, helped her in the Korean War. She is also my Proudest Son's girlfriend (Give me more grandkids).
- Irelandball - Well, I can give you some credit for helping in the World Wars!
- Chileball - He is
my bastard sonfriend of the end of the world. Thank you for supporting me in the Falklands War.
- Zanzibarball - I adopted him, and he's also the birthplace of Freddie Mercury.
- Swedenball - We're so good friends that even in war we don't fight eachother. Swedenball also builds a lot of my furniture nowadays.
- Hong Kongball - Son whom I raised only to give back to Chinaball. I mourn the poor fate of him under China's rule. I love this little boy very, very much... used to provide me a lot of money like his brother, Tringapore. Also, your Cantonese tonal language is hard as hell to learn. I'm glad I don't have to learn it anymore. Also. I'm very like your egg tart (蛋撻). It taste like a pie or Portugalball's Pastel de nata (葡撻).
- Malaysiaball - Good son, very good chef and a half brother to Indonesiaball.
- UAEball - Sort of, and a good adopted son in the Middle East, he doesn't like my culture.
I kinda want his money and gold.
- Tringapore - Also very good chef, ex-adoptive son and used to provide lots of money for his father (Me). He is so proud of his son's accomplishments though what eludes him is his child's abhorrence to bubble gum.
- Ghanaball - An African son of mine. You made a fine ol' song, my boy! Quite catchy, I'd say!
- EUball - I know we have the whole Brexit thing going on but we could at least have a good trade deal... right? I'm also trying to get a Brexit do over but my prime minister won't comply. Wait... You're banning memes?!
- Nigeriaball - Another African son of mine. He's having internal problems but I know he'll get through it. Also, what the hell is wrong with your dramatic tv shows you have their?! Remove them this instant
- Thailandball -Thailand and UK are best friend and do you remember bowring treat we are a good memmory and we have a monarch i like your queen.
- Kuwaitball Another one of my middle eastern sons independant since 1961
- Guyanaball - Thanks for forgiving me son, and again, sorry about 1953, just don't remember that, okay?
- Inuitball - They won't give me the northwest passage but thanks for not killing my men.
- Mauritiusball - One of my strongest sons from the Indian Ocean. Until he doesn't make me let the BIOT go. HE DOESN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! JUST FOLLOW THE DANG CROWN!
- Scotlandball - Please don't leave me! Wait, you don't want to? Ok. Don't worry, I'll find a way to relax Brexit.
- Peruball - Sort of like. he dreaming like of Japan and he thinks me and my children will die |:|
- Cyprusball - They're the other bad son. Well, kind of. Sort of. HE DOSEN'T FOLLOW THE CROWN GOD DAMN IT!!! Also a madman who cannot into making me let Akrotiri and Dhekelia go. But my people love to visit it, we need to get out of the bloody weather after all
(that's why I need to revive the empire!), so ugh, I'll be on terms with you.
- Iraqball - Son who likes tea. But never forget 1991, but you are ok now.
2003 BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!?
- Ugandaball - An adopted son from Africa who hates homosexuals in which I disapprove. Err... your films are... quite special...?
- Mongoliaball - He's good, but he was my worst enemy ever since he was the Mongol Empire. Oh, and he has an embassy in London.
- Japanball - He likes tea like us. Different kind though and we had an alliance back then. Also, thank you for making me the next Pokémon region! BUT WHY DID YOU KILL MY SON? "WHALE" is not "WALES"!
- South Sudanball. You must be Sudan’s son! I’m your grandfather. (Also, I heard that Sudan was the real oil thief... you might want to consider changing your status for the USA, he can’t buy your oil...)
- Englandball - Stop complaining about having no parliament.
- Vodka - YOU! STOP TERRORIZING POLAND, UKRAINE AND MY SON CANADA! YOU CHINA AND IRAN ARE NO MATCH FOR THE MIGHTY POWER OF NATO! I PROMISE FIRE AND FURY WILL BE YOUR JUDGEMENT DAY! GLORY TO UKRAINE AND EUROMAIDAN!
- Bulba - Oi Russian girlfriend or whatever the hell you are, what's with your anger towards me eh? Do you need some tea to calm your trousers down? Yes I have evidence that your so-called "boyfriend" used nerve agents on my streets. Whatever Lukashenko wants to do to me, just for your information, me, Canada, USA, and many others will retaliate. Stay out of this please. I mean, just get the hell out of my way before I spill tea on you (She likes potatoes though, but she's still a vodka puppet).
- Argentinaball -
IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE FUCKING FALKLANDS ALONE I SWEAR I WILL BLOODY INVADE YOU AND MAKE YOU A COLONY OF MY NEW AND IMPROVED BRITISH EMPIRE YOU BLOODY MADMAN!!!!!I... I mean... just stay the bloody fuck away. And Scotland has a point, you gave shame to the Falkland's name. Guatemalaball - A mischief madman who cannot stop me from protecting Belize. Iranball- 'Psychopathic madman who loves making threats towards my son and cannot stop being nuclear, he has problems.'
- Sealandball - My rightful fort (actually I'm about to recognise you, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE. It's embarrassing!).
- North Koreaball - STOP TRYING TO HACK OUR HOSPITALS WITH RANSOMWARE!! WE HAD TO RESORT TO WRITING IMPORTANT PAPERS INSTEAD OF TYPING THEM, BECAUSE OF YOU (thankfully, I so happened to stop your attack, by accident)!!! The bad one who thinks it's best. A good amount of my men lost their lives because of you and China during your war. ALSO, STOP TALKING ABOUT NUKES!! REMOVE KIM FAMILY!!!
- Syriaball - Fix your barbaric excuse for a country Allah worshipping weirdos, also remove k
ebabAssad. But he hates ISISball.
- ISISball - Now listen here, you jihad kebabface. You've gone far enough. Mass genocide, beheading my men, murdering innocent people, pillaging towns, driving over people, and killing police all in the name of Allah and for a stupid bloody disgrace of a misinterpretation of your beliefs that even fucking Al-Qaeda think you're too bloody violent and now you ATTACKED MY LITTLE SON! You want to please Allah, please, let me fucking help with pleasing your God, you JIHAD LOVING WANKSTAINS! REMOVE TERRORISTS!!!
- Kazakhbrick - JAGSHEMASH! YOU WANT SEXY TIEM VANILLA FAEC? IZ NICE!
Romaniaball and Bulgariaball - STOP STEALING MY JOBS AND ANNOYING ME YOU MORONS! AND FOLLOW THE CROWN, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I WILL INVADE YOU!!! THAT'S WHY Poland IS MY PLUMBER AND NOT YOU!! (I'm also not sure if Romania is a vampire or not)
- Northern Cyprusball - Stop messing with Cyprus, meh, I don't really care if he (Cyprus) doesn't worship the crown...
- Naziball - Cannot cross the channel. Heh. I'm glad he never invaded me.
Countries Never Invaded by the U.K.
still haunts him
- Central African Republicball
- Republic of the Congoball
- Ivory Coastball
- Marshall Islandsball
- Ruling the waves
- Sipping tea, A LOT of tea.
- Evacuating all of London when a snowflake hits the ground
- Stabbing people.
- In antiquity - Delivering rapid musket volleys to the poor enemies he faces (often Franceball,
and Earthball)then charging in with bayonets.
- In antiquity - Maintaining the largest and best navy in the world (this enabled UKball to rule the waves).
- Stabbing more people
- Owning Akrotiri and Dhekelia ( Cyprusball doesn't know what I'm talking about).
- Owning the Chagos Archipelago ( Mauritiusball and Seychellesball don't know what I'm talking about).
- Owning the Falklands ( Argentinaball doesn't know what I'm talking about, even though Franceball colonised it first).
- Owning Gibraltar ( Spainball doesn't know what I'm talking about).
- Free heatlhcare (Obamacare as others would like to call it).
- Wearing kilts.
- Stabbing more people
- Wearing top hats.
- Leaving the EU (and hating to do it).
- Drinking beer
How to draw
This is how to draw UKball:
- Draw the typical circle with blue background.
- Draw a white cross like this: (--|--)
- Draw another white cross like this: (><)
- Repeat steps 2 and 3, but with less wider lines and in red.
- Draw a black top hat
- Draw the eyes and a monocle you've finished!